Ian Anderson. One of the most influential elementary and high school students one would remember. A child who hides his dark secrets - except from one – and became a student council leader, excelled in grades and sports, always could calm the most short-tempered and convinced the most stubborn of hearts before he was arrested and charged for two acts of morbid indecency, the first on females.
Years later another – where a male teacher was found bound and gagged in hidden room filled with blood and stench found by Hans who reluctantly gave Andy’s address and to a group of police and their dogs to sniff out the sealed room’s location. Andy was quoted as saying that he was “jealous” of the success of the teacher but Hans knew the truth which he - a youth of high intelligence – could hide. It was almost too late when Hans realised he should not have told Andy about his new relationship – his Sensei was almost knocked out of his senses – and life - in defence for his young blonde-haired lover when the sliver-haired youth was screaming obscenities at him, determined to castrate his love rival and – in absence of his blonde-haired friend whom he had a relationship with and decided to stop when Hans’ family was involved – accused him of adultery.
Andy was sentenced to long-term-asylum confinement, medication and counselling. At Hans’ own request the court specially granted Andy a university education - wherever he was serving his term - should Andy’s condition improve.
“Knowing Andy very well for many years and personally being there since we were kids he is capable of separating anything from his studies – be it in at any state of health and mind,” Hans was quoted in his request.
It had been almost three years. At the fourth year of Hans’ final academic year in the university Andy Stern was released based on good and normal conduct – and thanks to Hans who had never doubted his friend-turned-ex-academic-rival-turned-back-to-best-pal, he had been in the same academic year of the name of the university Hans had been studying and requested to the court.
While serving his term Ian dropped his family name and lengthened his second name in honour of his best - and only – former-lover-still-best-friend. Hans dropped his second name to reducing to two names like his former lover - and the only true friend among his social group.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Subject: 5
“Listen. I wanna talk about your lover.” It would be easier to quote the lyrics of their song to calm his sobbing friend down. “She was his wife and they were his kids.” He waited patiently for his words to sink into the delicate (sometimes naïve) self of his blonde-haired friend.
“What?”
“Finally,” he sighed – got a poke in the ribs. “Listen, before considering castration on your friend to which I do think you are considering about it now – " he held his friend away who was frantically trying to scratch his face for a reason or two – “I did not do anything to your –" he spat in disgust at his own past memory which resurfaced at the word – “daddy…oh –" he started cursing under his breath, realising his friend was – still trying not to cause a commotion - stifling his screams of protests from his forced-pursed lips. “My bad, my bad..” only Johannes Emersson could make him smile and drop his mask.
Seeing his friend smiled, Hans stopped, composed himself, arms akimbo, he managed a weak grin. “Since when did you learn to talk like that,” he echoed his own statement which was once filled with sarcasm when he treated Andy as an academic rival in school hearing rumours of Andy’s “alley” upbringing.
“Watch your stick, brother.” Andy echoed back his first retort when they were in elementary school, a reply he had learnt from his siblings of almost fifteen years apart. He had removed much of his wall. It had been so long since they had met and he was afraid of showing himself – even to his only friend.
The air around Hans started to get smoky as he valiantly tried to hide his tears. “Welcome home.”
“It’s great to be back, my love.”
------------------------------
Andy could not stay long as he didn’t belong to the university campus itself. “Admin,” he shrugged, trying not to curse in front of Hans of whom his best friend got the “education” from. “Save your tears for the one you love,” he smiled.
“Cut it.” Tears were streaming from his cheeks.
He could not touch his blonde-hair friend. It would be too much for the both of them. You still need lotsa lovin’…he once sang to him. “Turn,” his voice lowered but firm, choking back his own tears, “and go talk to him. He’s waiting for you.
In the room where you used to be.”
“What?”
“Finally,” he sighed – got a poke in the ribs. “Listen, before considering castration on your friend to which I do think you are considering about it now – " he held his friend away who was frantically trying to scratch his face for a reason or two – “I did not do anything to your –" he spat in disgust at his own past memory which resurfaced at the word – “daddy…oh –" he started cursing under his breath, realising his friend was – still trying not to cause a commotion - stifling his screams of protests from his forced-pursed lips. “My bad, my bad..” only Johannes Emersson could make him smile and drop his mask.
Seeing his friend smiled, Hans stopped, composed himself, arms akimbo, he managed a weak grin. “Since when did you learn to talk like that,” he echoed his own statement which was once filled with sarcasm when he treated Andy as an academic rival in school hearing rumours of Andy’s “alley” upbringing.
“Watch your stick, brother.” Andy echoed back his first retort when they were in elementary school, a reply he had learnt from his siblings of almost fifteen years apart. He had removed much of his wall. It had been so long since they had met and he was afraid of showing himself – even to his only friend.
The air around Hans started to get smoky as he valiantly tried to hide his tears. “Welcome home.”
“It’s great to be back, my love.”
------------------------------
Andy could not stay long as he didn’t belong to the university campus itself. “Admin,” he shrugged, trying not to curse in front of Hans of whom his best friend got the “education” from. “Save your tears for the one you love,” he smiled.
“Cut it.” Tears were streaming from his cheeks.
He could not touch his blonde-hair friend. It would be too much for the both of them. You still need lotsa lovin’…he once sang to him. “Turn,” his voice lowered but firm, choking back his own tears, “and go talk to him. He’s waiting for you.
In the room where you used to be.”
Subject: 6
He stifled his screams as his lover thrust himself deeper and stronger than any other day.
It seemed that he had it all planned out. Without a word, he was swiftly dragged into his car and he found himself in some resort.
There were no words exchanged. Before he could dominate the situation his lips were forced opened by his lover’s tongue and his shirt buttons, pants button and zip could pop out of their seams by the frantic jerks of his lover’s hands on his clothes. His struggles were futile but he was weeping to his lover to –
“Stop,” he pleaded, pushing his lover away, tripping over some clothes and landed hard on the bed. He hid his face away from him, his body wracked sobs with painful regret, still pushing away the arms of his lover who was trying to hold him. Finally with one more effort, the arms wrapped around him in frenzied triumph, facing him outwards and lifted him to a sitting position.
“Suman..” his lover whispered. Andy had learnt a bit of the same language before and said the same word – but now all he ever wanted was to hear his voice. Still weeping, he moaned in protest, as he felt his lover’s hand stroking his member and he fought back his response.
“I wanted to ask you after you met my ex-wife and the children…but you were so quiet. I cannot tolerate outbursts in the car too, so…I’m really sorry.”
He moaned at every syllable of his voice whispering in his ear, teasing him with little gnaws on the outer lobe of his ear, feeling the warmth of his tongue into his ear.
He understood. Andy was in the campus but he was too angry to notice his silver-haired friend who immediately walked into the teachers’ room when only he was around. Andy loved anything he would buy but all Andy ever did was to pull his tie to choke him as a threat after worming the truth out of him – and Andy was struggling to hold himself in check after successfully grabbing a guy by the tie almost too close to the lips. He came in just in time.
“But it was my – aah!” He gasped in shocked as he felt him so deep and painful..but it had only been one week..was he losing it? “B-but i-t – wa-s m-a-i f-ar –“
“Fart? Yes, it is so. Because you do not eat proper,” came the teasing tone, almost sadistic, ignoring all cries of pain. “We’re alone,” he grabbed his young lover and whispered into his ear. “Scream.”
At first he was screaming in hatred at himself for being extremely unreasonable, crying his apologies at the same time, taking every deep thrust as a punishment but his cries softened and let out an incoherent sound as he felt the thrusts got shallower.
“I cannot, while you are like this.”
“No!” he pleaded, grabbing his lover. “I’m sorry!” he was weeping again. “I don’t know how to..it’s..i like what you do..i’m..i can’t..”
The warmth of his arms, the all-too-familiar feel of his lover’s body soothed his cries.
------------------
Morning.
Hans wondered why no matter how hard he tried, he was not in the mood, instead he was moving away from his lover. He apologised, telling him that he really wanted to but did not know why he was feeling so down.
His teacher’s cellphone rang.
Suddenly Hans was gripped by a chill. He thought he heard a voice..."Sensei..” he murmured, looking in concerned at his lover who had went paler than usual.
This time Hans stifled a different type of scream – a scream of horror.
It seemed that he had it all planned out. Without a word, he was swiftly dragged into his car and he found himself in some resort.
There were no words exchanged. Before he could dominate the situation his lips were forced opened by his lover’s tongue and his shirt buttons, pants button and zip could pop out of their seams by the frantic jerks of his lover’s hands on his clothes. His struggles were futile but he was weeping to his lover to –
“Stop,” he pleaded, pushing his lover away, tripping over some clothes and landed hard on the bed. He hid his face away from him, his body wracked sobs with painful regret, still pushing away the arms of his lover who was trying to hold him. Finally with one more effort, the arms wrapped around him in frenzied triumph, facing him outwards and lifted him to a sitting position.
“Suman..” his lover whispered. Andy had learnt a bit of the same language before and said the same word – but now all he ever wanted was to hear his voice. Still weeping, he moaned in protest, as he felt his lover’s hand stroking his member and he fought back his response.
“I wanted to ask you after you met my ex-wife and the children…but you were so quiet. I cannot tolerate outbursts in the car too, so…I’m really sorry.”
He moaned at every syllable of his voice whispering in his ear, teasing him with little gnaws on the outer lobe of his ear, feeling the warmth of his tongue into his ear.
He understood. Andy was in the campus but he was too angry to notice his silver-haired friend who immediately walked into the teachers’ room when only he was around. Andy loved anything he would buy but all Andy ever did was to pull his tie to choke him as a threat after worming the truth out of him – and Andy was struggling to hold himself in check after successfully grabbing a guy by the tie almost too close to the lips. He came in just in time.
“But it was my – aah!” He gasped in shocked as he felt him so deep and painful..but it had only been one week..was he losing it? “B-but i-t – wa-s m-a-i f-ar –“
“Fart? Yes, it is so. Because you do not eat proper,” came the teasing tone, almost sadistic, ignoring all cries of pain. “We’re alone,” he grabbed his young lover and whispered into his ear. “Scream.”
At first he was screaming in hatred at himself for being extremely unreasonable, crying his apologies at the same time, taking every deep thrust as a punishment but his cries softened and let out an incoherent sound as he felt the thrusts got shallower.
“I cannot, while you are like this.”
“No!” he pleaded, grabbing his lover. “I’m sorry!” he was weeping again. “I don’t know how to..it’s..i like what you do..i’m..i can’t..”
The warmth of his arms, the all-too-familiar feel of his lover’s body soothed his cries.
------------------
Morning.
Hans wondered why no matter how hard he tried, he was not in the mood, instead he was moving away from his lover. He apologised, telling him that he really wanted to but did not know why he was feeling so down.
His teacher’s cellphone rang.
Suddenly Hans was gripped by a chill. He thought he heard a voice..."Sensei..” he murmured, looking in concerned at his lover who had went paler than usual.
This time Hans stifled a different type of scream – a scream of horror.
Subject: 7
"Two years, my friend."
The soft voice murmured as a pale figure stood wet from the light drizzle.
He had expected it. He knew that even if he tried there was nothing he could do about it. He knew the moment he turned it was the end. However he was not thinking much about it -searching for the warm embrace he had lost for so many days had taken was priority.
-----------------
Andy, after his release, had nowhere to go to, declining his offer for a dorm in the university. Hans had fulfilled all his wishes for a normal life.
It was time to give it back.
The soft voice murmured as a pale figure stood wet from the light drizzle.
He had expected it. He knew that even if he tried there was nothing he could do about it. He knew the moment he turned it was the end. However he was not thinking much about it -searching for the warm embrace he had lost for so many days had taken was priority.
-----------------
Andy, after his release, had nowhere to go to, declining his offer for a dorm in the university. Hans had fulfilled all his wishes for a normal life.
It was time to give it back.
Subject: Interlude 2
The only world which revolved around him was Hans'.
At first he did not understand why this blonde-haired boy who looked almost like him would spurn him away and call him names. Perhaps he had what this blonde-haired boy could not have. He tried to find out more about his blonde-hair friend.
For a long time every attempt seemed futile - everyone in school ignored or ran away from him as if he was some kind of monster and they called him names that sounded like "pip boy". Then it happened.
He thought there was an angel in the school hall. He decided to check it out.
There was his blonde-haired friend singing all by himself!
"H-hi."
----------------
And so Thyme was born. A name which his blonde-haired fri - no, Hans came up with.
"Watch your stick, brother."
The blonde-haired boy stared at him in disbelief. "Do you know what you’re talking about?!"
The sliver-haired boy's eyes widened in excitement. "You know what I'm talking about?!"
Besides the "family business" Andy's brothers had bought the best instruments a band could ever have with the money they earned. While they were not around banging instruments Andy and Hans would sneak into the studio and jammed the songs they heard on the radio (being brought up in a strict family environment Hans could only secretly take out the radio from under his bed during bedtime).
Years go by and Hans, brought up by his single mother, grew up faster than any normal kid. The only best companionship he had was with Andy and Thyme. Occasionally they would sneak some peeks into the "business" Andy's family members were handling. Like Hans, Andy "lost" his father, as he was told, and this "business" was the fastest way to make "big money", so he was told. One "sneak trip" led to another, until Hans had to stifle his vomit as Andy looked on with a frozen expression on his face.
"Is this what they always do?" Hans would ask. Andy did not answer.
It was that one day when Andy unconsciously slided his hand along Hans who cursed and swore in shock. There was something in Andy's gaze that Hans would find himself frozen in time, staring back at the eyes of his best friend, as if they were telling him a stories that words could not say..
"My brothers told me it’s love."
"What the --- is wrong with your head!"
Andy never said or did anything but their "sneak trips" had stopped.
-----------------
Because one day Hans had found something interesting. Hans' mother was not around so Hans got his best pal over.
"I've cracked the 'parent mode'! It's exactly what you told me!" By then Hans had discovered a language called Japanese and was surfing a whole theme of "Andy's family business".
Hans fell silent. "Sorry, mate. I.."
"Na, I know you. You need evidences, not first-hand accounts."
And Andy would describe in full detail to Hans as they watched every single video.
"Andy?"
"Spill it."
"I-I can't. Not in front of you."
"Fine."
"A-Andy! What the ----! Dirty mouth, stop - aah.."
----------------------------
Everyday Hans would sneak out of the house to try to visit his friend when he was at in the asylum.
Andy isn't delirious, he's confused, that's all, he defended. He would write letters to his friend, hoping all his letters will be read. Everyday Hans would think of him, wonder how he was. Hans missed the time he had with Andy. It was very - thrilling.
He really missed Andy. Not only for those times but there was something only they can share. He decided to make Andy his.
----------------------
"--- off you freak!"
"But you said you loved me!"
"I didn’t mean it that way! Look…I'm sorry..I..didn't mean..aw man, stop crying.."
"You lied?!"
"No..I..fine! When I said I love you I mean it."
"Really?!"
"Y-yeah."
At first he did not understand why this blonde-haired boy who looked almost like him would spurn him away and call him names. Perhaps he had what this blonde-haired boy could not have. He tried to find out more about his blonde-hair friend.
For a long time every attempt seemed futile - everyone in school ignored or ran away from him as if he was some kind of monster and they called him names that sounded like "pip boy". Then it happened.
He thought there was an angel in the school hall. He decided to check it out.
There was his blonde-haired friend singing all by himself!
"H-hi."
----------------
And so Thyme was born. A name which his blonde-haired fri - no, Hans came up with.
"Watch your stick, brother."
The blonde-haired boy stared at him in disbelief. "Do you know what you’re talking about?!"
The sliver-haired boy's eyes widened in excitement. "You know what I'm talking about?!"
Besides the "family business" Andy's brothers had bought the best instruments a band could ever have with the money they earned. While they were not around banging instruments Andy and Hans would sneak into the studio and jammed the songs they heard on the radio (being brought up in a strict family environment Hans could only secretly take out the radio from under his bed during bedtime).
Years go by and Hans, brought up by his single mother, grew up faster than any normal kid. The only best companionship he had was with Andy and Thyme. Occasionally they would sneak some peeks into the "business" Andy's family members were handling. Like Hans, Andy "lost" his father, as he was told, and this "business" was the fastest way to make "big money", so he was told. One "sneak trip" led to another, until Hans had to stifle his vomit as Andy looked on with a frozen expression on his face.
"Is this what they always do?" Hans would ask. Andy did not answer.
It was that one day when Andy unconsciously slided his hand along Hans who cursed and swore in shock. There was something in Andy's gaze that Hans would find himself frozen in time, staring back at the eyes of his best friend, as if they were telling him a stories that words could not say..
"My brothers told me it’s love."
"What the --- is wrong with your head!"
Andy never said or did anything but their "sneak trips" had stopped.
-----------------
Because one day Hans had found something interesting. Hans' mother was not around so Hans got his best pal over.
"I've cracked the 'parent mode'! It's exactly what you told me!" By then Hans had discovered a language called Japanese and was surfing a whole theme of "Andy's family business".
Hans fell silent. "Sorry, mate. I.."
"Na, I know you. You need evidences, not first-hand accounts."
And Andy would describe in full detail to Hans as they watched every single video.
"Andy?"
"Spill it."
"I-I can't. Not in front of you."
"Fine."
"A-Andy! What the ----! Dirty mouth, stop - aah.."
----------------------------
Everyday Hans would sneak out of the house to try to visit his friend when he was at in the asylum.
Andy isn't delirious, he's confused, that's all, he defended. He would write letters to his friend, hoping all his letters will be read. Everyday Hans would think of him, wonder how he was. Hans missed the time he had with Andy. It was very - thrilling.
He really missed Andy. Not only for those times but there was something only they can share. He decided to make Andy his.
----------------------
"--- off you freak!"
"But you said you loved me!"
"I didn’t mean it that way! Look…I'm sorry..I..didn't mean..aw man, stop crying.."
"You lied?!"
"No..I..fine! When I said I love you I mean it."
"Really?!"
"Y-yeah."
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Subject: Final
"We didn’t know much then…or do we, Andy. Somehow I hate my mum for breaking us up. Perhaps it was good? Perhaps it's meant to be.."
His lover opened the umbrella. "Rain's getting heavier. We must go back."
"Ja." He muttered as they left the memories of their friend, only be remembered engraved in stone, as the rest of the departed. "Sensei.."
"Nandai?"
"Will I kill myself?"
His lover opened the umbrella. "Rain's getting heavier. We must go back."
"Ja." He muttered as they left the memories of their friend, only be remembered engraved in stone, as the rest of the departed. "Sensei.."
"Nandai?"
"Will I kill myself?"
Thursday, January 28, 2010
tribute
Morning.
Johann stirred, half-awake as he felt the rays of the sun warming his pale cheeks. He turned his back away from the light - that did not work as his back was exposed to the sunlight. Sighing, he gave up, slowly rising from the side of the bed. With half-closed eyes he groped around and jerked up his tights, grabbed his tunic and clumsily pulled it over his head. He ruffled his silky long blonde hair with such ease - that would make any maiden glare in jealousy - and trudged to the window, made a quick glance at his lute to see if it was still there, squinting, as his eyes tried to get use to the morning daylight.
The birds were singing their melodic tunes as they happily basked themselves in the peaceful greeting of the morning sun. Johann's vision cleared and he found himself gazing at the bright green leaves of the tree that stood by the window. He breathed in - and sneezed at the sudden rush of the cold morning breeze.
"Oh," he realised he had frightened the little birds as they fluttered away into the soft blue sky.
Johann's thoughts drifted as he stood transfixed at the beauty of nature before him.
"A year it has been, has it not.."
Johann stirred, half-awake as he felt the rays of the sun warming his pale cheeks. He turned his back away from the light - that did not work as his back was exposed to the sunlight. Sighing, he gave up, slowly rising from the side of the bed. With half-closed eyes he groped around and jerked up his tights, grabbed his tunic and clumsily pulled it over his head. He ruffled his silky long blonde hair with such ease - that would make any maiden glare in jealousy - and trudged to the window, made a quick glance at his lute to see if it was still there, squinting, as his eyes tried to get use to the morning daylight.
The birds were singing their melodic tunes as they happily basked themselves in the peaceful greeting of the morning sun. Johann's vision cleared and he found himself gazing at the bright green leaves of the tree that stood by the window. He breathed in - and sneezed at the sudden rush of the cold morning breeze.
"Oh," he realised he had frightened the little birds as they fluttered away into the soft blue sky.
Johann's thoughts drifted as he stood transfixed at the beauty of nature before him.
"A year it has been, has it not.."
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