2

No one knew.

He had first saw in on the internet with his best friend. He wanted more. He did not know what he was in for. He did not know that what happened that day was what people would call "rape". He did not know. All he knew was he felt scared, as if a thousand pairs of eyes were looking watching him wherever he went as he tried very hard to mask the pain. He told his teacher that he had been suffering from piles, much to his-best-pal-classmate's amusement. All the girls in his class would do everything and anything for him - what else would you expect for a Prince Charming.

"Bastard," he glare at his best pal who sat a few desks behind him.

Years have passed, and it had been traumatic for him. He would shut himself in his room, not attend lessons, showing up only for tests and examinations and passed all of them with top marks. One day in school he overheard a conversation of giggling girls - it was dang easy to follow them as there was nobody around - the girls needed a smoke break.

It was then he learnt about a particular comic genre that may calm his desires.

At first, he threw a comic book across his room, cupping his mouth to curb his wracked sobs as memories of him and his first lover came unmercilessly running into his mind. However he resolved to conquer the feelings as he felt..unsatisfied. With every ending of a comic he wanted more.

He would not tell anyone that he read Boys' Love genre - anyone would laugh at him, girls and guys alike. Besides, he would guess that 99.9999 - until the infinite 0.9 of it all - % are females. And he feared he would be called a wuss even if gays (oh they hid it well but it takes one to tell) would know about his comic genre preference.

University was even harder. He could not remember how much he wanted more. His eyes gave the game away for a few seconds when his Japanese lecturer first stepped into his life.


As usual he was the best student of them all, much to his teacher's appreciation. However, he would catch glimpses of his teacher's sorrowful eyes...and time would stop there..

"Hans-san?"

His heart skipped a beat at the hint of concern of his teacher's voice - there might be something more to it. Ignoring squeals from the females, his eyes darkened and his expression turned deadpan. Yet he hoped his teacher had read his gaze.

He did not ask any question as he knew the answer to every question.

However one day he did. Much to his and his teacher's surprise. "Oh, Hans-san, you have a question?"

"Yes, Sensei." It was only to him that he would speak to and in a quiet serious voice only his ex-lover would hear. I'm hard..He snapped back to reality as he realised his ex-lover's voice had seeped into his unguarded thoughts. He bit his lip but he was about to break down. He longed for anyone to hold him - anyone..

"Sensei...what does it take...to love someone.." WHAT WAS HE ASKING?! Wasn't he supposed to ask this literature term in Japanese?!

His senses screamed - WRONG QUESTION!!! - as he saw his teacher's sudden change of expression -

but it was an expression of sorrow, despair and regret.