The President of the Student Council stood rigidly, his hand frozen over the door knob of the Student Council’s room. The door was open at a fraction so that only when someone who is really close to door can see into the room.
And the President could swear that not even one minute had passed after he left the room.
“I love you.”
The President felt a shiver run through his body. It wasn’t that he was being homophobic. It’s just that confessions aren’t something that he was used to yet. For example, he couldn’t get used to someone sneaking up behind him, giving him a bear hug from behind and whispering with a warm breath, “President, I caught you!”
Like right now.
He could feel his Secretary tip toeing, trying to see what is going inside the room. He spun around, slapped his hand over the Secretary’s eyes then almost immediately slapped his mouth to muffle his ‘WHOA’. The Secretary stood still quietly, his hands hanging by his sides limply.
The President listened closely. A moan escaped from the young man in the room. Obviously, they were too busy to care about what’s going on outside.
“Move,” he hissed.
The Secretary nodded his head and together, still in the same position, they moved stiffly away from the Student Council’s room to the stairwell at the end of the corridor.
“Keep it down, ok?” the President said before moving his hands away slowly from his Secretary.
He cleaned his hands casually against his pants. “Come on, it’s almost time for class,” he said quickly, adjusting his spectacles as he looked at his Secretary who was almost a head taller.
“What’s happening inside there?”
“Nothing much.”
The President looked down, observing how much cleaner his shoes were compared to his Secretary.
“Then why were you being so secretive?”
“I wasn’t.”
He checked his watch. The bell’s going to ring any time soon.
“Yes, you were.”
“No, I’m not.”
This year’s summer is really warm. So warm that he felt his face was burning for some - any! - reason. Yes, the President thought to himself, definitely the summer and not anything else.
“Tell me about it,” the Secretary began to whine loudly.
The bell rang loudly as though it was an air raid siren.
“IS IT SEX?”
The President’s eyes widened upon hearing it. No, the Secretary was not screaming at the top of the voice. It was just that the usually empty-head-of-that-Secretary had actually nailed it so the word ‘sex’ seemed to have echoed through the siren, out of the school building and into outer space. Martians probably would hear it if they left their observance satellite on during their bed time.
“What are you talking about?” he said defensively, then tapped a finger on his Secretary’s forehead lightly. “How did you get to that conclusion anyway?!”
“It must be sex. You blush every time you talk about sex.”
“Wh-wh-what? I’m not blushing! It’s the summer heat, idiot!”
Like a dog in its mating season, the Secretary sprinted down the corridor. The President - who knew where the Secretary was running to - gave chase frantically and panicked when he saw the Secretary reached out for the Student Council Room's door knob!
Immediately, he jumped onto the (empty-headed) man fiercely and a loud bang disturbed the silence as the Secretary’s (empty) head made an unforgettable impact onto the tough door. The unconscious man slid face-down along the smooth surface of the door and laid (still face-down) with his head just a few zero point units away from the door. The President sat over his Secretary, sweating profusely, catching his breath.
Thud!
The door opened outwards.
Thud! Thud! Thud!
The door connected with the Secretary’s head a few more times before a curious head of his teacher - whom the President knew all too well - popped out from behind the door. Fuming, the Student Council’s President met his teacher's gaze with a glare that could send the Secretary yelping away in fright (if he was not unconscious) with his hand outstretched.
“From now on, I’m holding the keys.”
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Afterword
"YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS!"
His lover held up a maid's costume. Alax-sensei squealed in delight.
"WHO IN THE WORLD'S GONNA WEAR THAT?! And stop squealing you -!" Hans let out a cry of exasperation.
"Hans daaaaliiiiguuuuu..." Alax whined, his eyes as wide as a puppy's.
"I'M NOT YOUR DARLING!!!" Hans tried in vain to struggle from Alax-sensei's teasing embrace, "and Sensei - " he complained to his lover - "how in the world did you ever get to meet this creature!" His voice rose to a thrill as he tried very hard to push the whining doctor away.
"Ohohoh!" Alax squealed, "canshewearitcanshewearit?!"
Hans turned to where Alax-sensei was pointing excitedly to and groaned in exasperation. "Sensei," he said to his lover, "would anyone call a sex doll 'she'?"
"Alax-san would!" His lover answered, wiping his tears from his eyes from laughter.
"ALAX WATARI!!!!" Hans could take it no longer. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"
There was furious clinking of metal as Hans - to his horror - watched helplessly as the excited male had helped himself to the sex doll which Hans and his lover bought just for the fun of it. "F*k the maid attire, she's PERFECT without anything on!"
"Alax..sensei.." Hans clamped his hand to his mouth as he watched the frenzied speed of the man grinding his member into the frontal hole of the sex doll. What made it worse was the excited fella had switched on its girlish sounds.
Hans left the room to the balcony, half-disgusted and feeling hard at the same time - because his reactions mirrored the doll's a lot when his lover did the same to him. Somehow he wondered how the sex doll came into their lives.
"Curiousity is dangerous, is it not?" he heard a familiar voice whispering into his ear as he felt warm hands sliding around his waist, "having bought the doll.."
"Cut it," he struggled within his lover's inviting embrace. He felt embarrassed having a third party in the apartment although they have their moments alone together. "Why do I get the feeling Alax-sensei would ask if he could have that doll.."
*****
A few days later in the university, Hans received many texted messages on his handphone from Alax-sensei to come to the sick room.
Hans almost fainted when he opened the door to the sick room.
He was right after all.
His lover held up a maid's costume. Alax-sensei squealed in delight.
"WHO IN THE WORLD'S GONNA WEAR THAT?! And stop squealing you -!" Hans let out a cry of exasperation.
"Hans daaaaliiiiguuuuu..." Alax whined, his eyes as wide as a puppy's.
"I'M NOT YOUR DARLING!!!" Hans tried in vain to struggle from Alax-sensei's teasing embrace, "and Sensei - " he complained to his lover - "how in the world did you ever get to meet this creature!" His voice rose to a thrill as he tried very hard to push the whining doctor away.
"Ohohoh!" Alax squealed, "canshewearitcanshewearit?!"
Hans turned to where Alax-sensei was pointing excitedly to and groaned in exasperation. "Sensei," he said to his lover, "would anyone call a sex doll 'she'?"
"Alax-san would!" His lover answered, wiping his tears from his eyes from laughter.
"ALAX WATARI!!!!" Hans could take it no longer. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"
There was furious clinking of metal as Hans - to his horror - watched helplessly as the excited male had helped himself to the sex doll which Hans and his lover bought just for the fun of it. "F*k the maid attire, she's PERFECT without anything on!"
"Alax..sensei.." Hans clamped his hand to his mouth as he watched the frenzied speed of the man grinding his member into the frontal hole of the sex doll. What made it worse was the excited fella had switched on its girlish sounds.
Hans left the room to the balcony, half-disgusted and feeling hard at the same time - because his reactions mirrored the doll's a lot when his lover did the same to him. Somehow he wondered how the sex doll came into their lives.
"Curiousity is dangerous, is it not?" he heard a familiar voice whispering into his ear as he felt warm hands sliding around his waist, "having bought the doll.."
"Cut it," he struggled within his lover's inviting embrace. He felt embarrassed having a third party in the apartment although they have their moments alone together. "Why do I get the feeling Alax-sensei would ask if he could have that doll.."
*****
A few days later in the university, Hans received many texted messages on his handphone from Alax-sensei to come to the sick room.
Hans almost fainted when he opened the door to the sick room.
He was right after all.
Monday, August 16, 2010
10
"Hans-"
"F*K OFF!"
"Hans-san.."
Only that voice could stop him. From progressing. From fleeing. From escaping.
Afternoon's summer sun shone into the room but he was crying.
Betrayed, again.
Raped, again.
He could not take it anymore. He was about to get up -
but his head too was heavy - like a huge iron - he slumped back down into the bed. HIS BED!!!! "I want to go home...Ian.." He closed his eyes and turned to his side in pain.
"Do not mention his name ever again."
The voice was firm - and deadly.
The voice reached into his head. He recognised it.
"Sensei.."
He felt a shadow looming over him, "Hai.." he heard the voice..him..
"I hate you.." he snuggled up to the warm embrace, "..i think.."
A gentle chuckle danced in the air. "Really, you think?" He felt warm lips pressing onto his forehead. "Sleep, all will be fine.."
"Sensei.." Hypontised by his new lover's voice he could only reach out feebly before he drifted to sleep.
I'm here
always with you.
"F*K OFF!"
"Hans-san.."
Only that voice could stop him. From progressing. From fleeing. From escaping.
Afternoon's summer sun shone into the room but he was crying.
Betrayed, again.
Raped, again.
He could not take it anymore. He was about to get up -
but his head too was heavy - like a huge iron - he slumped back down into the bed. HIS BED!!!! "I want to go home...Ian.." He closed his eyes and turned to his side in pain.
"Do not mention his name ever again."
The voice was firm - and deadly.
The voice reached into his head. He recognised it.
"Sensei.."
He felt a shadow looming over him, "Hai.." he heard the voice..him..
"I hate you.." he snuggled up to the warm embrace, "..i think.."
A gentle chuckle danced in the air. "Really, you think?" He felt warm lips pressing onto his forehead. "Sleep, all will be fine.."
"Sensei.." Hypontised by his new lover's voice he could only reach out feebly before he drifted to sleep.
I'm here
always with you.
9
It was too late. All too late. He felt his bermudas were suddenly - yet gently - pulled down. He felt his member swelled in response to - A HAND!?!! - stroking it.
"Aah.." came the voice, "as expected.."
"ARE YOU DR-" he could not scream. In his dunkard state he could only moan in submission at the - clumsiness of a - TONGUE?!! "First..time..?" his tongue was numb, he was about to drift to sleep.
"Y-yesss.." came the drunk reply. "I..he..wanted to hurt you..I resolve to protect you..I thought..I have a purpose to live..after my divorce.."
Every single syallable was emphasised with a warm wet - and sometimes very cold - sensation. "I want..to..protect..you..so..I..must...have..you.."
He could not do anything. The tongue and lips were clumsy at first - he gasped. "I-I cumed.." CUMED?!!!! WHOSE MOUTH IS THAT?!!
He heard a whisper..a polite whisper...
"May I..cum..in..you?"
***
One moment led to another. And there was improvement in every new moment. He did not know who it was. Or perhaps he knew. There was a huge weight above him - a very huge and heavy weight. Yet he felt protected by this weight and nothing could tear him and the weight apart. Curse that mixed-up heritage of a human! No manners to wait for a response!
He hated it. Every single moment of it. He had no say. He could only react. Yet his body jerked in welcome with every stroke, every lick, every search of himself, from his skin..to within..he loved how he was stroked, touched, carassed, forced..yet he hated it, "Get off..Ian.." he was about to dream in slumber..
"Ian..I am not.."
"Who..are you..no..you're not.."
His teacher whispered into his ear
I am..
"Aah.." came the voice, "as expected.."
"ARE YOU DR-" he could not scream. In his dunkard state he could only moan in submission at the - clumsiness of a - TONGUE?!! "First..time..?" his tongue was numb, he was about to drift to sleep.
"Y-yesss.." came the drunk reply. "I..he..wanted to hurt you..I resolve to protect you..I thought..I have a purpose to live..after my divorce.."
Every single syallable was emphasised with a warm wet - and sometimes very cold - sensation. "I want..to..protect..you..so..I..must...have..you.."
He could not do anything. The tongue and lips were clumsy at first - he gasped. "I-I cumed.." CUMED?!!!! WHOSE MOUTH IS THAT?!!
He heard a whisper..a polite whisper...
"May I..cum..in..you?"
***
One moment led to another. And there was improvement in every new moment. He did not know who it was. Or perhaps he knew. There was a huge weight above him - a very huge and heavy weight. Yet he felt protected by this weight and nothing could tear him and the weight apart. Curse that mixed-up heritage of a human! No manners to wait for a response!
He hated it. Every single moment of it. He had no say. He could only react. Yet his body jerked in welcome with every stroke, every lick, every search of himself, from his skin..to within..he loved how he was stroked, touched, carassed, forced..yet he hated it, "Get off..Ian.." he was about to dream in slumber..
"Ian..I am not.."
"Who..are you..no..you're not.."
His teacher whispered into his ear
I am..
8
He really was about to throw himself off the balcony (he found it) if his teacher had not grabbed him, "We did not do anything."
"Like I wanna know!" he was screaming and kicking in the tight grasp, pleading to be free.
"You will not," came the firm voice. "You drank too much."
He felt as if he was a beanbag being thrown on something soft. He could not understand much. He could only figure his ex-lover was released for a while but was arrested back to the asylum. And it was only 2 weeks ago his ex-lover had been released for good.
He was been watched.
By Ian
All the while.
He's my bitch..the words quoted by his teacher from his ex-lover as a warning reeled in his head.
I am his..bitch.."I'm nobody's bitch!" He was about to yell that when he felt his stomach would shoot out from his mouth. Overcame with disgust and despair he could only expressed through all the sake he had drank - and now, erupted. He could not bear the pain any longer, he was crying in confusion, calling out only his Sensei's first name.
He threatened to hurt you..he remembered what his teacher had said.
"And you.."
An hour had passed since his stomach had thrown everything out. He sat up, weakly, probbed against the pillows. He did not care if he was lying with his legs open or not - he suddenly felt hard. He gasped when he felt a weight on the cloth that separated himself - and the weight.
The weight started to move..up..and down..where he had went hard.
"This is...how they do it..in the manga..?"
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!!!!" he screamed.
"Like I wanna know!" he was screaming and kicking in the tight grasp, pleading to be free.
"You will not," came the firm voice. "You drank too much."
He felt as if he was a beanbag being thrown on something soft. He could not understand much. He could only figure his ex-lover was released for a while but was arrested back to the asylum. And it was only 2 weeks ago his ex-lover had been released for good.
He was been watched.
By Ian
All the while.
He's my bitch..the words quoted by his teacher from his ex-lover as a warning reeled in his head.
I am his..bitch.."I'm nobody's bitch!" He was about to yell that when he felt his stomach would shoot out from his mouth. Overcame with disgust and despair he could only expressed through all the sake he had drank - and now, erupted. He could not bear the pain any longer, he was crying in confusion, calling out only his Sensei's first name.
He threatened to hurt you..he remembered what his teacher had said.
"And you.."
An hour had passed since his stomach had thrown everything out. He sat up, weakly, probbed against the pillows. He did not care if he was lying with his legs open or not - he suddenly felt hard. He gasped when he felt a weight on the cloth that separated himself - and the weight.
The weight started to move..up..and down..where he had went hard.
"This is...how they do it..in the manga..?"
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!!!!" he screamed.
7
Hans had never been angry before. Never.
He had decided to protect his teacher for all his life.
"W-wait.." he realised he had missed out something very important. "You divorced..for me?"
He had never seen his teacher more downcast than before. What he was about to hear got him almost sleepless.
"Years ago in middle high a student approached me."
"Male? Female?" AND WHY WAS HE ASKING?!!!
"Male."
AND HE WAS NOT THE FIRST ONE?!!!!
"So-so..w-what happened.." he felt that the room was spinning faster than before.
"At first I thought he was being friendly. He stayed behind and chatted with me. It was not long when he told how he felt about me. As I was married, I refused."
"Who was he?" AND WHY WAS HE ASKING AGAIN?!!!
The only instinct was to run to the nearest balcony - if the apartment had one - and throw himself off from there.
"Your friend, Ian Anderson."
He had decided to protect his teacher for all his life.
"W-wait.." he realised he had missed out something very important. "You divorced..for me?"
He had never seen his teacher more downcast than before. What he was about to hear got him almost sleepless.
"Years ago in middle high a student approached me."
"Male? Female?" AND WHY WAS HE ASKING?!!!
"Male."
AND HE WAS NOT THE FIRST ONE?!!!!
"So-so..w-what happened.." he felt that the room was spinning faster than before.
"At first I thought he was being friendly. He stayed behind and chatted with me. It was not long when he told how he felt about me. As I was married, I refused."
"Who was he?" AND WHY WAS HE ASKING AGAIN?!!!
The only instinct was to run to the nearest balcony - if the apartment had one - and throw himself off from there.
"Your friend, Ian Anderson."
6
"Get lost."
His only answer.
He shut the door.
And began to weep.
His cellphone rang. He knew who it was.
"Sake..one last time..?"
***
No words were spoken in his teacher's car as he was brought to the apartment. However that night he drank.
He drank as much as he could, refusing to hear anything his teacher would say.
Before he could reach for another round, a hand grabbed him.
"Please listen."
***
The cup in his hand would drop if he had not tried all his might to put it down.
"You..what.."
And he was listening. Listening to every single word that was said. That was told. He could not believe. His head was reeling with shock.
..Ex-lover
..released
..sought him out
..scuffled his teacher
..warning
..resolved
..divorced.
His only answer.
He shut the door.
And began to weep.
His cellphone rang. He knew who it was.
"Sake..one last time..?"
***
No words were spoken in his teacher's car as he was brought to the apartment. However that night he drank.
He drank as much as he could, refusing to hear anything his teacher would say.
Before he could reach for another round, a hand grabbed him.
"Please listen."
***
The cup in his hand would drop if he had not tried all his might to put it down.
"You..what.."
And he was listening. Listening to every single word that was said. That was told. He could not believe. His head was reeling with shock.
..Ex-lover
..released
..sought him out
..scuffled his teacher
..warning
..resolved
..divorced.
5
His teacher had changed. Ever since he had opened to his teacher. Ater a long time, he had someone to spend the summer with. He would flush whenever his teacher talked openly about sexual positions drawn in the comics and retort when his teacher teased him if he had ever touched himself.
For a week his teacher had not drank sake. A week later his teacher left for some "personal matters". A few days later his cellphone rang. He knew who it was - the only one who would call him in the summer.
"Yes, it's Hans," he greeted over the phone in Japanese - a practice he learnt in honour of his teacher which had become a habit. It had not been easy to hide his feelings for his teacher. He had not told his teacher about it - but his eyes had given the game away since the first time he saw him - and it was getting more obvious.
He feared the most when he heard no reply from the other party, "Sensei?" he prompted.
A knock on his dormitory door. He did not know why he was running for the door.
His teacher stood sliently at the door as he opened it. He froze.
Sensei was leaving.
For a week his teacher had not drank sake. A week later his teacher left for some "personal matters". A few days later his cellphone rang. He knew who it was - the only one who would call him in the summer.
"Yes, it's Hans," he greeted over the phone in Japanese - a practice he learnt in honour of his teacher which had become a habit. It had not been easy to hide his feelings for his teacher. He had not told his teacher about it - but his eyes had given the game away since the first time he saw him - and it was getting more obvious.
He feared the most when he heard no reply from the other party, "Sensei?" he prompted.
A knock on his dormitory door. He did not know why he was running for the door.
His teacher stood sliently at the door as he opened it. He froze.
Sensei was leaving.
4
He was felt awkward telling his teacher about it. In fact, the more he talked about it, the more he was excited about it.
He did not know how long he had wept. All he knew he was - CARRIED - to his own dormitory. It took him some time to wonder how his teacher knew his dormitory number.
"I wanted to ask you for sake but your handphone was not on. So I asked for your dormitory number."
"Sorry.." was all that he could manage.
He saw his teacher's curious gaze at his comic book. He had to choice but to tell.
That had happened a few hours ago.
"SENSEI PLEASE DON'T!!!" His teacher was going to touch the comic!!!!
He almost laughed at his teacher's child-like curious gaze. "May I read it?"
"N-no!!! No, not that you can't but - you really wanna read it? It's not for guys..."
"But you read it." His teacher had a glint of amusement his eyes.
He stopped. He did not know how to answer. "A-ah Sensei!!! No, don't open the comic -"
"Hmm..." came the curious voice.
"SENSEI!!!!!!!"
He did not know how long he had wept. All he knew he was - CARRIED - to his own dormitory. It took him some time to wonder how his teacher knew his dormitory number.
"I wanted to ask you for sake but your handphone was not on. So I asked for your dormitory number."
"Sorry.." was all that he could manage.
He saw his teacher's curious gaze at his comic book. He had to choice but to tell.
That had happened a few hours ago.
"SENSEI PLEASE DON'T!!!" His teacher was going to touch the comic!!!!
He almost laughed at his teacher's child-like curious gaze. "May I read it?"
"N-no!!! No, not that you can't but - you really wanna read it? It's not for guys..."
"But you read it." His teacher had a glint of amusement his eyes.
He stopped. He did not know how to answer. "A-ah Sensei!!! No, don't open the comic -"
"Hmm..." came the curious voice.
"SENSEI!!!!!!!"
3
That fateful night he retrived his cellphone and was about to rush back to his dormitory when he heard a terrible sound from the restroom. To his shock he found a male in the - FEMALE - restroom!
He was about to pounce on the stranger, wondering where was the girl this man had raped when he saw a familiar pair of eyes of that stranger staring back at him.
"SENSEI!!!!!"
******
From then on, he became his teacher's listening ear over nightly - and lethal - bottles of sake. However he would not drink much as he would be the one who bring his drunk teacher back. His teacher had entrusted him with the keys to the apartment - he had expected that.
What he would not expect was that his teacher was not really entirely of Japanese heritage. Born of French, Italian, Spanish and Japanese hertitage his teacher had taught in schools in Japan before. A marriage of convenience to a Japanese woman of strictly Japanese heritage who bore him a son was nearing to a divorce.
He could not comfort his teacher - he was not taught how to. All he could do was silently sit by him as he watched his teacher snored in slumber-bliss - and leave when he had cleared all the mess.
****
Summer.
The season he hated most. He would always be left alone. To distract himself from his desires once more he decided to enrol for any summer class.
"Hans-san?"
He did not realise his vision had blurred and his cheeks had been wet with tears as he walked down the stairsways to the main walkway. He thought no one was around. A thud distracted both teacher and student as they both shifted their focus to the floor.
NOOOOOOO!!!!!! HOW DID I BRING IT WITH ME!!!
He could not see his teacher bending over to pick up his comic which he realised he had brought it with him without thinking as he hurried to the main walkway. He did not know about his teacher's moment of silence.
His knees had given way and he stumbled. He was tired. So very tired that he wept, like a child, in his teacher's arms.
He was about to pounce on the stranger, wondering where was the girl this man had raped when he saw a familiar pair of eyes of that stranger staring back at him.
"SENSEI!!!!!"
******
From then on, he became his teacher's listening ear over nightly - and lethal - bottles of sake. However he would not drink much as he would be the one who bring his drunk teacher back. His teacher had entrusted him with the keys to the apartment - he had expected that.
What he would not expect was that his teacher was not really entirely of Japanese heritage. Born of French, Italian, Spanish and Japanese hertitage his teacher had taught in schools in Japan before. A marriage of convenience to a Japanese woman of strictly Japanese heritage who bore him a son was nearing to a divorce.
He could not comfort his teacher - he was not taught how to. All he could do was silently sit by him as he watched his teacher snored in slumber-bliss - and leave when he had cleared all the mess.
****
Summer.
The season he hated most. He would always be left alone. To distract himself from his desires once more he decided to enrol for any summer class.
"Hans-san?"
He did not realise his vision had blurred and his cheeks had been wet with tears as he walked down the stairsways to the main walkway. He thought no one was around. A thud distracted both teacher and student as they both shifted their focus to the floor.
NOOOOOOO!!!!!! HOW DID I BRING IT WITH ME!!!
He could not see his teacher bending over to pick up his comic which he realised he had brought it with him without thinking as he hurried to the main walkway. He did not know about his teacher's moment of silence.
His knees had given way and he stumbled. He was tired. So very tired that he wept, like a child, in his teacher's arms.
2
No one knew.
He had first saw in on the internet with his best friend. He wanted more. He did not know what he was in for. He did not know that what happened that day was what people would call "rape". He did not know. All he knew was he felt scared, as if a thousand pairs of eyes were looking watching him wherever he went as he tried very hard to mask the pain. He told his teacher that he had been suffering from piles, much to his-best-pal-classmate's amusement. All the girls in his class would do everything and anything for him - what else would you expect for a Prince Charming.
"Bastard," he glare at his best pal who sat a few desks behind him.
Years have passed, and it had been traumatic for him. He would shut himself in his room, not attend lessons, showing up only for tests and examinations and passed all of them with top marks. One day in school he overheard a conversation of giggling girls - it was dang easy to follow them as there was nobody around - the girls needed a smoke break.
It was then he learnt about a particular comic genre that may calm his desires.
At first, he threw a comic book across his room, cupping his mouth to curb his wracked sobs as memories of him and his first lover came unmercilessly running into his mind. However he resolved to conquer the feelings as he felt..unsatisfied. With every ending of a comic he wanted more.
He would not tell anyone that he read Boys' Love genre - anyone would laugh at him, girls and guys alike. Besides, he would guess that 99.9999 - until the infinite 0.9 of it all - % are females. And he feared he would be called a wuss even if gays (oh they hid it well but it takes one to tell) would know about his comic genre preference.
University was even harder. He could not remember how much he wanted more. His eyes gave the game away for a few seconds when his Japanese lecturer first stepped into his life.
As usual he was the best student of them all, much to his teacher's appreciation. However, he would catch glimpses of his teacher's sorrowful eyes...and time would stop there..
"Hans-san?"
His heart skipped a beat at the hint of concern of his teacher's voice - there might be something more to it. Ignoring squeals from the females, his eyes darkened and his expression turned deadpan. Yet he hoped his teacher had read his gaze.
He did not ask any question as he knew the answer to every question.
However one day he did. Much to his and his teacher's surprise. "Oh, Hans-san, you have a question?"
"Yes, Sensei." It was only to him that he would speak to and in a quiet serious voice only his ex-lover would hear. I'm hard..He snapped back to reality as he realised his ex-lover's voice had seeped into his unguarded thoughts. He bit his lip but he was about to break down. He longed for anyone to hold him - anyone..
"Sensei...what does it take...to love someone.." WHAT WAS HE ASKING?! Wasn't he supposed to ask this literature term in Japanese?!
His senses screamed - WRONG QUESTION!!! - as he saw his teacher's sudden change of expression -
but it was an expression of sorrow, despair and regret.
He had first saw in on the internet with his best friend. He wanted more. He did not know what he was in for. He did not know that what happened that day was what people would call "rape". He did not know. All he knew was he felt scared, as if a thousand pairs of eyes were looking watching him wherever he went as he tried very hard to mask the pain. He told his teacher that he had been suffering from piles, much to his-best-pal-classmate's amusement. All the girls in his class would do everything and anything for him - what else would you expect for a Prince Charming.
"Bastard," he glare at his best pal who sat a few desks behind him.
Years have passed, and it had been traumatic for him. He would shut himself in his room, not attend lessons, showing up only for tests and examinations and passed all of them with top marks. One day in school he overheard a conversation of giggling girls - it was dang easy to follow them as there was nobody around - the girls needed a smoke break.
It was then he learnt about a particular comic genre that may calm his desires.
At first, he threw a comic book across his room, cupping his mouth to curb his wracked sobs as memories of him and his first lover came unmercilessly running into his mind. However he resolved to conquer the feelings as he felt..unsatisfied. With every ending of a comic he wanted more.
He would not tell anyone that he read Boys' Love genre - anyone would laugh at him, girls and guys alike. Besides, he would guess that 99.9999 - until the infinite 0.9 of it all - % are females. And he feared he would be called a wuss even if gays (oh they hid it well but it takes one to tell) would know about his comic genre preference.
University was even harder. He could not remember how much he wanted more. His eyes gave the game away for a few seconds when his Japanese lecturer first stepped into his life.
As usual he was the best student of them all, much to his teacher's appreciation. However, he would catch glimpses of his teacher's sorrowful eyes...and time would stop there..
"Hans-san?"
His heart skipped a beat at the hint of concern of his teacher's voice - there might be something more to it. Ignoring squeals from the females, his eyes darkened and his expression turned deadpan. Yet he hoped his teacher had read his gaze.
He did not ask any question as he knew the answer to every question.
However one day he did. Much to his and his teacher's surprise. "Oh, Hans-san, you have a question?"
"Yes, Sensei." It was only to him that he would speak to and in a quiet serious voice only his ex-lover would hear. I'm hard..He snapped back to reality as he realised his ex-lover's voice had seeped into his unguarded thoughts. He bit his lip but he was about to break down. He longed for anyone to hold him - anyone..
"Sensei...what does it take...to love someone.." WHAT WAS HE ASKING?! Wasn't he supposed to ask this literature term in Japanese?!
His senses screamed - WRONG QUESTION!!! - as he saw his teacher's sudden change of expression -
but it was an expression of sorrow, despair and regret.
1
This is not what he had intended.
Being pinned against the wall against his own wish, his mouth forcibly opened by another - A MALE!!!
HOW CAN THIS BE?! His senses screamed and all the more he tried to wriggle from the strong grasp.
"Don't overdo it," came the voice.
Left my handphone in school, came back to get it, went to check on the stranger who was vomitting in the restroom and then this -!
He gasped when he suddenly felt a warm wet sensation in his member - he was mouthed! He moaned as he felt the roughness of a tongue and lips savouring his foreskin, slowly engulfing the whole of his swelling self. He felt his body would burst into flames with the unbearable heat in his body. His every verbal syllable was abruptly interrupted with every frenzy attack of his captor's eager tongue and lips.
..want..it..
He yelped in shock as his hips were roughly lifted up and his body arched in response to a sudden intrusion. His vision blurred and he could hear his blood throbbing in excitement as he craved for more.
Aah..the pain..is..exhilarating..
A cry filled the room as he burst into fatigue estacsy, his captor slumped hard on him as their breaths merged into a single rythmnic breathing..
..i love you..
Being pinned against the wall against his own wish, his mouth forcibly opened by another - A MALE!!!
HOW CAN THIS BE?! His senses screamed and all the more he tried to wriggle from the strong grasp.
"Don't overdo it," came the voice.
Left my handphone in school, came back to get it, went to check on the stranger who was vomitting in the restroom and then this -!
He gasped when he suddenly felt a warm wet sensation in his member - he was mouthed! He moaned as he felt the roughness of a tongue and lips savouring his foreskin, slowly engulfing the whole of his swelling self. He felt his body would burst into flames with the unbearable heat in his body. His every verbal syllable was abruptly interrupted with every frenzy attack of his captor's eager tongue and lips.
..want..it..
He yelped in shock as his hips were roughly lifted up and his body arched in response to a sudden intrusion. His vision blurred and he could hear his blood throbbing in excitement as he craved for more.
Aah..the pain..is..exhilarating..
A cry filled the room as he burst into fatigue estacsy, his captor slumped hard on him as their breaths merged into a single rythmnic breathing..
..i love you..
Monday, May 10, 2010
Subject: 1
"Hans-san, please translate this passage into Japanese."
Right, as if I want to.
It was not easy to translate that passage – Hans is the top student after all. If it was not to fulfill the requirement of including Japanese for his translation degree he would not have taken it.
He had to admit he had been struggling with that language: German was his mother tongue after all. But his mother had refused to speak German to him and his father rarely would be home thus he did not do well in his German written assignments, let alone Japanese.
How did I ever get myself into this mess..
“Hans-san.”
He was the envy of the boys and the dream of the girls: he was only blonde-hair and sea-blue eyes youth in the class. His untidy mass of hair sprouting out but dangles in a good shape that he was spared of using hair gel. His face had always been expressionless.
Hans kept staring at the words of his textbook. He could feel his teacher bending over his soft naturally spiky hair. Dam' you..he forced himself not to tremble as he felt his teacher’s breath upon his ear.
“Hans-san.”
He could hear one or two squeals from the girls.
His teacher seemed to like that attention.
-------------------------
Hans was fuming and cursing in any language he could think of as he stormed his way into the Student Council’s room, “What were you –" he could not finish his sentence.
Strong arms had grabbed him in a tight embrace and his mouth was forced to remain open by a intruding tongue that shot right to the back of his throat.
He could not let go. Neither could he resist as a hand had run down to the bottom of his pants, groping his testicles sliding up and gently but firmly caressing his member, forcing a groan from his throat.
You can’t..trapped,.he struggled to feel for any inch of empty space.
Yes I can..
Hans felt a forced pressure on his belt buckle as the hand – with a deft flick – loosened his pants. He felt cold air from waist down as the hand did not waste any time in rubbing his member. He could not scream, his mouth was still sealed by his captor’s tongue.
Another hand cupped had cupped his mouth and he could barely open his eyes, squirming as he realised the room was in total darkness and the air was stifling. Stop, please..
A voice whispered into his ear – he could not understand…all he knew…it was a familiar voice.
“I love you.”
“How can you when you’re –“ but all Hans could ever manage was a moan. The voice had touched the part of him that no one could ever reach into. His body arched in response to the hand that had been gently caressing his member, like a wild animal being tamed, he began to moan.
Submission.
By now he had stopped struggling as the other hand caressed the skin beneath his unbuttoned shirt, he felt himself burning in anticipating, stifling a gasp when a thumb was playing with his nipple, stifling a moan as he felt the warm moist sensation of a tongue rolling, teasing, licking him…
He would not kiss back, he would not, but the forceful pressure of the hands and arms had relaxed yet the sensation of the hand caressing his member had made him hard – he knew where his captor’s tongue would slide to. Without any cue, his own hand covered his mouth –
- and stifled every gasp as he felt the moist tongue and lips searching, exploring every single part of his member. He felt his strength draining – his captor knew.
Hans almost vomited when he felt the sudden change in the gravitational direction as he felt himself being roughly lifted up. His captor’s hand had quickened its pace while the other hand cupped Hans’ mouth. Hans could respond no longer – or so he thought.
Pain shot from beneath him as he felt something being thrusted rudely into him. Kneeling he realised his body was arching back in response to the frenzied pleasure. His captor did not lose any moment. Hans felt as if his mind was about to explode –
a final shot of excruciating pain and warmth pervaded his body as he held his own expulsion.
It was not over.
He thought he heard the bell rang at the end of breaktime but his captor would not let him go – neither did he want to – it had always been like this. He covered his mouth with his hand for the last time -
stifling his screams again as his member and testicles were gropped and rubbed by his captor’s fingers and tongue rudely hurrying him to warm him up and ejaculate – the next lesson had started after –
all strength had left him as he gave his expulsion to his captor, stifling his moans - this time in protest – as he felt his captor’s mouth eagerly swallowed his discharge. Finally coming back to his senses he realised he was surrounded by pitch black darkness, frightened and alone, he began to sob..
..and found himself wrapped and comforted in the familiar warm embrace..
Sensei..
---------------
Hans did not see his Japanese language teacher for the rest of the day -
- until nightfall..
Right, as if I want to.
It was not easy to translate that passage – Hans is the top student after all. If it was not to fulfill the requirement of including Japanese for his translation degree he would not have taken it.
He had to admit he had been struggling with that language: German was his mother tongue after all. But his mother had refused to speak German to him and his father rarely would be home thus he did not do well in his German written assignments, let alone Japanese.
How did I ever get myself into this mess..
“Hans-san.”
He was the envy of the boys and the dream of the girls: he was only blonde-hair and sea-blue eyes youth in the class. His untidy mass of hair sprouting out but dangles in a good shape that he was spared of using hair gel. His face had always been expressionless.
Hans kept staring at the words of his textbook. He could feel his teacher bending over his soft naturally spiky hair. Dam' you..he forced himself not to tremble as he felt his teacher’s breath upon his ear.
“Hans-san.”
He could hear one or two squeals from the girls.
His teacher seemed to like that attention.
-------------------------
Hans was fuming and cursing in any language he could think of as he stormed his way into the Student Council’s room, “What were you –" he could not finish his sentence.
Strong arms had grabbed him in a tight embrace and his mouth was forced to remain open by a intruding tongue that shot right to the back of his throat.
He could not let go. Neither could he resist as a hand had run down to the bottom of his pants, groping his testicles sliding up and gently but firmly caressing his member, forcing a groan from his throat.
You can’t..trapped,.he struggled to feel for any inch of empty space.
Yes I can..
Hans felt a forced pressure on his belt buckle as the hand – with a deft flick – loosened his pants. He felt cold air from waist down as the hand did not waste any time in rubbing his member. He could not scream, his mouth was still sealed by his captor’s tongue.
Another hand cupped had cupped his mouth and he could barely open his eyes, squirming as he realised the room was in total darkness and the air was stifling. Stop, please..
A voice whispered into his ear – he could not understand…all he knew…it was a familiar voice.
“I love you.”
“How can you when you’re –“ but all Hans could ever manage was a moan. The voice had touched the part of him that no one could ever reach into. His body arched in response to the hand that had been gently caressing his member, like a wild animal being tamed, he began to moan.
Submission.
By now he had stopped struggling as the other hand caressed the skin beneath his unbuttoned shirt, he felt himself burning in anticipating, stifling a gasp when a thumb was playing with his nipple, stifling a moan as he felt the warm moist sensation of a tongue rolling, teasing, licking him…
He would not kiss back, he would not, but the forceful pressure of the hands and arms had relaxed yet the sensation of the hand caressing his member had made him hard – he knew where his captor’s tongue would slide to. Without any cue, his own hand covered his mouth –
- and stifled every gasp as he felt the moist tongue and lips searching, exploring every single part of his member. He felt his strength draining – his captor knew.
Hans almost vomited when he felt the sudden change in the gravitational direction as he felt himself being roughly lifted up. His captor’s hand had quickened its pace while the other hand cupped Hans’ mouth. Hans could respond no longer – or so he thought.
Pain shot from beneath him as he felt something being thrusted rudely into him. Kneeling he realised his body was arching back in response to the frenzied pleasure. His captor did not lose any moment. Hans felt as if his mind was about to explode –
a final shot of excruciating pain and warmth pervaded his body as he held his own expulsion.
It was not over.
He thought he heard the bell rang at the end of breaktime but his captor would not let him go – neither did he want to – it had always been like this. He covered his mouth with his hand for the last time -
stifling his screams again as his member and testicles were gropped and rubbed by his captor’s fingers and tongue rudely hurrying him to warm him up and ejaculate – the next lesson had started after –
all strength had left him as he gave his expulsion to his captor, stifling his moans - this time in protest – as he felt his captor’s mouth eagerly swallowed his discharge. Finally coming back to his senses he realised he was surrounded by pitch black darkness, frightened and alone, he began to sob..
..and found himself wrapped and comforted in the familiar warm embrace..
Sensei..
---------------
Hans did not see his Japanese language teacher for the rest of the day -
- until nightfall..
Subject: 2
"Please feel free to make any mistake! On second thought –“ a pause and smile that melted every girl’s heart – “Make that plenty of mistakes!"
"Bastard," the student growled under his breath in reply to his teacher's remarks.
What was he thinking?! Bringing me to visit his family?! HE’S MARRIED WITH KIDS OF HIS OWN?!!
Hans had been quiet as he sat in the car as they were going back to their respective apartments. He had been ignoring all of his questions, calls, text messages, emails – WHATEVER
Instead what was he thinking, allowing him to lead him by his whims and fancies, taken in by the voice that got him hard all the time, teasing him and they end up in places everywhere where he would reserve a small resort somewhere where they could be completely alone.
But not yesterday. He heard the word right.
“DADDY!!!”
---------------------
A week had passed. He congratulated himself being able to ignore him completely, hiding his screams within with that same deadpan expression to everyone on the first day as a freshman – in fact, his cellphone had been switched off..for a good and many reasons.
But he could not ignore conversations, especially females’, as he walked past them, hearing them talk about how they love their boyfriends so much that their friends would advise them to “talk it out, iron out differences” etc.
Perhaps he should too. Perhaps..was he tested? Bastard! Seriously I will – but he always ended up - not on top – but on the receiving end…he realised he was blushing as he noticed that some girls were looking, giggling and whispering excitedly to one another as they glanced in his direction.
Well, he was the only one who had stopped walking while everyone were going back to their dorms to pack their bags for the summer holidays.
Summer holidays..it had been such a short time but it felt long as he would wait in yearning to be on the receiving end, everyday…
“Aaaargh!” he muttered, realising he had given himself away. Perhaps he should talk it out and iron out differences.
He found himself standing in front of the student council room. It had always been the room where time would stop, even if it’s for a quickie..
AAAAARGH!!!! He flung the door open –
but the handle would not turn.
The door was locked.
"Bastard," the student growled under his breath in reply to his teacher's remarks.
What was he thinking?! Bringing me to visit his family?! HE’S MARRIED WITH KIDS OF HIS OWN?!!
Hans had been quiet as he sat in the car as they were going back to their respective apartments. He had been ignoring all of his questions, calls, text messages, emails – WHATEVER
Instead what was he thinking, allowing him to lead him by his whims and fancies, taken in by the voice that got him hard all the time, teasing him and they end up in places everywhere where he would reserve a small resort somewhere where they could be completely alone.
But not yesterday. He heard the word right.
“DADDY!!!”
---------------------
A week had passed. He congratulated himself being able to ignore him completely, hiding his screams within with that same deadpan expression to everyone on the first day as a freshman – in fact, his cellphone had been switched off..for a good and many reasons.
But he could not ignore conversations, especially females’, as he walked past them, hearing them talk about how they love their boyfriends so much that their friends would advise them to “talk it out, iron out differences” etc.
Perhaps he should too. Perhaps..was he tested? Bastard! Seriously I will – but he always ended up - not on top – but on the receiving end…he realised he was blushing as he noticed that some girls were looking, giggling and whispering excitedly to one another as they glanced in his direction.
Well, he was the only one who had stopped walking while everyone were going back to their dorms to pack their bags for the summer holidays.
Summer holidays..it had been such a short time but it felt long as he would wait in yearning to be on the receiving end, everyday…
“Aaaargh!” he muttered, realising he had given himself away. Perhaps he should talk it out and iron out differences.
He found himself standing in front of the student council room. It had always been the room where time would stop, even if it’s for a quickie..
AAAAARGH!!!! He flung the door open –
but the handle would not turn.
The door was locked.
Subject: 3
He had never been on a frantic search for anyone – not even his mother. Days when he was just a small little one he would run far, far away, away from his mother who would be calling and searching for him, ignoring her voice. Now he understood how frantic one would be to find just one person – even the smallest places have become so big and crevices became big cave entrances, leading to an endless abyss of screams and confusion – which could fill the whole hallway if Hans had not been aware of his pent-up frustrations.
It would be the teachers’ room, he told himself as he tried to avoid anyone who would obstruct his path in finding the light at the end of the tunnel..if only he could reach out for the door that he hope could relieve his painful, laboured breathing as he tried hard not to scream for him along the hallways and empty lecture halls..
and finally found him
and someone else..
--------------
His teacher was silent as his gaze froze in realisation at the all-too-familiar-student standing at the doorway. There was another pale hand clinging onto the red-silver striped tie that he had given his teacher which froze in sudden apprehension of an act – strictly must be done behind closed doors – was discovered. A smirk widen the pale lips and the smaller figure rose up to meet the gawking student at the door, “Well..well..it ain’t Hans –"
The rest of the words ended up in an abrupt gargle as the figure was gasping for breath. Suddenly everyone had gathered at the entrance of the teachers’ room, some had rushed in, shouting, pulling and forcing the blonde-hair student – anything - to release his grip on a silver-haired student’s throat. The teacher thanked his colleagues and yelled at the boys to follow him to the counselling room.
------------
It was a room that all students dread and fear. Rumours had it that even students were brainwashed and some had hanged themselves in protest.
The three would not hear any more of that. One was fuming, the other was still smirking and the third had his gaze lowered. He could not help it if the fuming one was shouting – almost screaming – obscenities at him (the room was soundproof-padded to protect confidentiality but its reliability had not been tested in a high-decibel-situations).
The blonde-haired student grabbed the sliver-haired student by the collar. “Get out,” he growled, with hatred burning in his eyes which made the sliver-haired student laughed.
“Hans..” a sarcastic grin and eyes of mad triumph haunted his blonde-haired rival, “you wouldn’t. After all, wasn’t it you who left him yearning…”
“Andy! Hans, let go!”
Hans felt a cold chill down his spine as he found himself transfixed at the pair of frenzied blue eyes and pale lips parted, mouthing the words that had caused him to exceed the number of his sleeping-pills-prescriptions the first time he heard it many years ago..
“Isn’t it fun to have a threesome?”
It would be the teachers’ room, he told himself as he tried to avoid anyone who would obstruct his path in finding the light at the end of the tunnel..if only he could reach out for the door that he hope could relieve his painful, laboured breathing as he tried hard not to scream for him along the hallways and empty lecture halls..
and finally found him
and someone else..
--------------
His teacher was silent as his gaze froze in realisation at the all-too-familiar-student standing at the doorway. There was another pale hand clinging onto the red-silver striped tie that he had given his teacher which froze in sudden apprehension of an act – strictly must be done behind closed doors – was discovered. A smirk widen the pale lips and the smaller figure rose up to meet the gawking student at the door, “Well..well..it ain’t Hans –"
The rest of the words ended up in an abrupt gargle as the figure was gasping for breath. Suddenly everyone had gathered at the entrance of the teachers’ room, some had rushed in, shouting, pulling and forcing the blonde-hair student – anything - to release his grip on a silver-haired student’s throat. The teacher thanked his colleagues and yelled at the boys to follow him to the counselling room.
------------
It was a room that all students dread and fear. Rumours had it that even students were brainwashed and some had hanged themselves in protest.
The three would not hear any more of that. One was fuming, the other was still smirking and the third had his gaze lowered. He could not help it if the fuming one was shouting – almost screaming – obscenities at him (the room was soundproof-padded to protect confidentiality but its reliability had not been tested in a high-decibel-situations).
The blonde-haired student grabbed the sliver-haired student by the collar. “Get out,” he growled, with hatred burning in his eyes which made the sliver-haired student laughed.
“Hans..” a sarcastic grin and eyes of mad triumph haunted his blonde-haired rival, “you wouldn’t. After all, wasn’t it you who left him yearning…”
“Andy! Hans, let go!”
Hans felt a cold chill down his spine as he found himself transfixed at the pair of frenzied blue eyes and pale lips parted, mouthing the words that had caused him to exceed the number of his sleeping-pills-prescriptions the first time he heard it many years ago..
“Isn’t it fun to have a threesome?”
Subject: 4
He summoned all of his will to release his grip, stormed out of the room, up the stairs, to the rooftop.
“There you are.”
He reminded himself to calm down.
“C’mon, it ain’t –"
Any more movement from the silver-haired student would cost a life, he glared at the struggling figure. Realising he would cause a commotion if the other students would come to the rooftop for a breather, he decided to let go of his grip on the throat.
“You left him.”
“I’m here for thrills – and spills. Stifle your screams, girl,” the silver-haired warned the blonde-hair student. “I was just passing by.”
“Was there an order for your release!” His head reeled as he remembered the gruesome sight he first saw many years ago.
“Awwww…c’mon, girl, I had a good conduct. Regular prescription, see?”
He hate to admit but his academic rival had shown some improvements. He sighed. “My bad. How’s your fam-“
“Shut your hole or I’ll get violent.” Seeing his blonde-hair academic rival paled and started muttering his concerns for his friend, Andy sighed and gave a wry smile. “My turn.”
Hans breathed a sigh of relief.
“Just said my goodbyes.” A clink and a puff of smoke drifted into the air. Andy arched an eyebrow. “Ol’ times’ sa-ke.”
“Aho, sa-ke ja ne zo.“ Hans' fingers lightly brushed his pale sliver friend’s - and both unconsciously stepped a little further away from each other. “Suman..”
“Me. I shouldn’t..”
“No, it was – " Both knew that this argument would go on, each willing to take the blame for the other but it was clear that both had a relationship – and got expelled for it.
“Seriously.” The sliver-haired male blew a cloud of smoke into the air, sighing. “Thrills and spills, thrills and frills / Wouldn’t have it any other way.”
Our song..Hans remembered as both of them would sneak into Andy’s basement to rehearse their songs before performing them in pubs, hoping to save as much as they can for a studio production. Months passed. Andy’s mind and health got worse – who could blame a child growing up in a family of pimps and drugs?
We only had each other..
A year passed after Andy's first release from the asylum.
We couldn’t control and made the mistake
of our lives
to others we were monsters
for ourselves we were lovers
A hand wrapped around Hans whose body was wracked in sobs.
Hena I’m sorry
Your nights belong to me
Hena I’m sorry
I hurt you endlessly
Gold silver entwined
Back to madness I’m confined
That was the day
I said my last goodbye
“There you are.”
He reminded himself to calm down.
“C’mon, it ain’t –"
Any more movement from the silver-haired student would cost a life, he glared at the struggling figure. Realising he would cause a commotion if the other students would come to the rooftop for a breather, he decided to let go of his grip on the throat.
“You left him.”
“I’m here for thrills – and spills. Stifle your screams, girl,” the silver-haired warned the blonde-hair student. “I was just passing by.”
“Was there an order for your release!” His head reeled as he remembered the gruesome sight he first saw many years ago.
“Awwww…c’mon, girl, I had a good conduct. Regular prescription, see?”
He hate to admit but his academic rival had shown some improvements. He sighed. “My bad. How’s your fam-“
“Shut your hole or I’ll get violent.” Seeing his blonde-hair academic rival paled and started muttering his concerns for his friend, Andy sighed and gave a wry smile. “My turn.”
Hans breathed a sigh of relief.
“Just said my goodbyes.” A clink and a puff of smoke drifted into the air. Andy arched an eyebrow. “Ol’ times’ sa-ke.”
“Aho, sa-ke ja ne zo.“ Hans' fingers lightly brushed his pale sliver friend’s - and both unconsciously stepped a little further away from each other. “Suman..”
“Me. I shouldn’t..”
“No, it was – " Both knew that this argument would go on, each willing to take the blame for the other but it was clear that both had a relationship – and got expelled for it.
“Seriously.” The sliver-haired male blew a cloud of smoke into the air, sighing. “Thrills and spills, thrills and frills / Wouldn’t have it any other way.”
Our song..Hans remembered as both of them would sneak into Andy’s basement to rehearse their songs before performing them in pubs, hoping to save as much as they can for a studio production. Months passed. Andy’s mind and health got worse – who could blame a child growing up in a family of pimps and drugs?
We only had each other..
A year passed after Andy's first release from the asylum.
We couldn’t control and made the mistake
of our lives
to others we were monsters
for ourselves we were lovers
A hand wrapped around Hans whose body was wracked in sobs.
Hena I’m sorry
Your nights belong to me
Hena I’m sorry
I hurt you endlessly
Gold silver entwined
Back to madness I’m confined
That was the day
I said my last goodbye
Subject: Interlude 1
Ian Anderson. One of the most influential elementary and high school students one would remember. A child who hides his dark secrets - except from one – and became a student council leader, excelled in grades and sports, always could calm the most short-tempered and convinced the most stubborn of hearts before he was arrested and charged for two acts of morbid indecency, the first on females.
Years later another – where a male teacher was found bound and gagged in hidden room filled with blood and stench found by Hans who reluctantly gave Andy’s address and to a group of police and their dogs to sniff out the sealed room’s location. Andy was quoted as saying that he was “jealous” of the success of the teacher but Hans knew the truth which he - a youth of high intelligence – could hide. It was almost too late when Hans realised he should not have told Andy about his new relationship – his Sensei was almost knocked out of his senses – and life - in defence for his young blonde-haired lover when the sliver-haired youth was screaming obscenities at him, determined to castrate his love rival and – in absence of his blonde-haired friend whom he had a relationship with and decided to stop when Hans’ family was involved – accused him of adultery.
Andy was sentenced to long-term-asylum confinement, medication and counselling. At Hans’ own request the court specially granted Andy a university education - wherever he was serving his term - should Andy’s condition improve.
“Knowing Andy very well for many years and personally being there since we were kids he is capable of separating anything from his studies – be it in at any state of health and mind,” Hans was quoted in his request.
It had been almost three years. At the fourth year of Hans’ final academic year in the university Andy Stern was released based on good and normal conduct – and thanks to Hans who had never doubted his friend-turned-ex-academic-rival-turned-back-to-best-pal, he had been in the same academic year of the name of the university Hans had been studying and requested to the court.
While serving his term Ian dropped his family name and lengthened his second name in honour of his best - and only – former-lover-still-best-friend. Hans dropped his second name to reducing to two names like his former lover - and the only true friend among his social group.
Years later another – where a male teacher was found bound and gagged in hidden room filled with blood and stench found by Hans who reluctantly gave Andy’s address and to a group of police and their dogs to sniff out the sealed room’s location. Andy was quoted as saying that he was “jealous” of the success of the teacher but Hans knew the truth which he - a youth of high intelligence – could hide. It was almost too late when Hans realised he should not have told Andy about his new relationship – his Sensei was almost knocked out of his senses – and life - in defence for his young blonde-haired lover when the sliver-haired youth was screaming obscenities at him, determined to castrate his love rival and – in absence of his blonde-haired friend whom he had a relationship with and decided to stop when Hans’ family was involved – accused him of adultery.
Andy was sentenced to long-term-asylum confinement, medication and counselling. At Hans’ own request the court specially granted Andy a university education - wherever he was serving his term - should Andy’s condition improve.
“Knowing Andy very well for many years and personally being there since we were kids he is capable of separating anything from his studies – be it in at any state of health and mind,” Hans was quoted in his request.
It had been almost three years. At the fourth year of Hans’ final academic year in the university Andy Stern was released based on good and normal conduct – and thanks to Hans who had never doubted his friend-turned-ex-academic-rival-turned-back-to-best-pal, he had been in the same academic year of the name of the university Hans had been studying and requested to the court.
While serving his term Ian dropped his family name and lengthened his second name in honour of his best - and only – former-lover-still-best-friend. Hans dropped his second name to reducing to two names like his former lover - and the only true friend among his social group.
Subject: 5
“Listen. I wanna talk about your lover.” It would be easier to quote the lyrics of their song to calm his sobbing friend down. “She was his wife and they were his kids.” He waited patiently for his words to sink into the delicate (sometimes naïve) self of his blonde-haired friend.
“What?”
“Finally,” he sighed – got a poke in the ribs. “Listen, before considering castration on your friend to which I do think you are considering about it now – " he held his friend away who was frantically trying to scratch his face for a reason or two – “I did not do anything to your –" he spat in disgust at his own past memory which resurfaced at the word – “daddy…oh –" he started cursing under his breath, realising his friend was – still trying not to cause a commotion - stifling his screams of protests from his forced-pursed lips. “My bad, my bad..” only Johannes Emersson could make him smile and drop his mask.
Seeing his friend smiled, Hans stopped, composed himself, arms akimbo, he managed a weak grin. “Since when did you learn to talk like that,” he echoed his own statement which was once filled with sarcasm when he treated Andy as an academic rival in school hearing rumours of Andy’s “alley” upbringing.
“Watch your stick, brother.” Andy echoed back his first retort when they were in elementary school, a reply he had learnt from his siblings of almost fifteen years apart. He had removed much of his wall. It had been so long since they had met and he was afraid of showing himself – even to his only friend.
The air around Hans started to get smoky as he valiantly tried to hide his tears. “Welcome home.”
“It’s great to be back, my love.”
------------------------------
Andy could not stay long as he didn’t belong to the university campus itself. “Admin,” he shrugged, trying not to curse in front of Hans of whom his best friend got the “education” from. “Save your tears for the one you love,” he smiled.
“Cut it.” Tears were streaming from his cheeks.
He could not touch his blonde-hair friend. It would be too much for the both of them. You still need lotsa lovin’…he once sang to him. “Turn,” his voice lowered but firm, choking back his own tears, “and go talk to him. He’s waiting for you.
In the room where you used to be.”
“What?”
“Finally,” he sighed – got a poke in the ribs. “Listen, before considering castration on your friend to which I do think you are considering about it now – " he held his friend away who was frantically trying to scratch his face for a reason or two – “I did not do anything to your –" he spat in disgust at his own past memory which resurfaced at the word – “daddy…oh –" he started cursing under his breath, realising his friend was – still trying not to cause a commotion - stifling his screams of protests from his forced-pursed lips. “My bad, my bad..” only Johannes Emersson could make him smile and drop his mask.
Seeing his friend smiled, Hans stopped, composed himself, arms akimbo, he managed a weak grin. “Since when did you learn to talk like that,” he echoed his own statement which was once filled with sarcasm when he treated Andy as an academic rival in school hearing rumours of Andy’s “alley” upbringing.
“Watch your stick, brother.” Andy echoed back his first retort when they were in elementary school, a reply he had learnt from his siblings of almost fifteen years apart. He had removed much of his wall. It had been so long since they had met and he was afraid of showing himself – even to his only friend.
The air around Hans started to get smoky as he valiantly tried to hide his tears. “Welcome home.”
“It’s great to be back, my love.”
------------------------------
Andy could not stay long as he didn’t belong to the university campus itself. “Admin,” he shrugged, trying not to curse in front of Hans of whom his best friend got the “education” from. “Save your tears for the one you love,” he smiled.
“Cut it.” Tears were streaming from his cheeks.
He could not touch his blonde-hair friend. It would be too much for the both of them. You still need lotsa lovin’…he once sang to him. “Turn,” his voice lowered but firm, choking back his own tears, “and go talk to him. He’s waiting for you.
In the room where you used to be.”
Subject: 6
He stifled his screams as his lover thrust himself deeper and stronger than any other day.
It seemed that he had it all planned out. Without a word, he was swiftly dragged into his car and he found himself in some resort.
There were no words exchanged. Before he could dominate the situation his lips were forced opened by his lover’s tongue and his shirt buttons, pants button and zip could pop out of their seams by the frantic jerks of his lover’s hands on his clothes. His struggles were futile but he was weeping to his lover to –
“Stop,” he pleaded, pushing his lover away, tripping over some clothes and landed hard on the bed. He hid his face away from him, his body wracked sobs with painful regret, still pushing away the arms of his lover who was trying to hold him. Finally with one more effort, the arms wrapped around him in frenzied triumph, facing him outwards and lifted him to a sitting position.
“Suman..” his lover whispered. Andy had learnt a bit of the same language before and said the same word – but now all he ever wanted was to hear his voice. Still weeping, he moaned in protest, as he felt his lover’s hand stroking his member and he fought back his response.
“I wanted to ask you after you met my ex-wife and the children…but you were so quiet. I cannot tolerate outbursts in the car too, so…I’m really sorry.”
He moaned at every syllable of his voice whispering in his ear, teasing him with little gnaws on the outer lobe of his ear, feeling the warmth of his tongue into his ear.
He understood. Andy was in the campus but he was too angry to notice his silver-haired friend who immediately walked into the teachers’ room when only he was around. Andy loved anything he would buy but all Andy ever did was to pull his tie to choke him as a threat after worming the truth out of him – and Andy was struggling to hold himself in check after successfully grabbing a guy by the tie almost too close to the lips. He came in just in time.
“But it was my – aah!” He gasped in shocked as he felt him so deep and painful..but it had only been one week..was he losing it? “B-but i-t – wa-s m-a-i f-ar –“
“Fart? Yes, it is so. Because you do not eat proper,” came the teasing tone, almost sadistic, ignoring all cries of pain. “We’re alone,” he grabbed his young lover and whispered into his ear. “Scream.”
At first he was screaming in hatred at himself for being extremely unreasonable, crying his apologies at the same time, taking every deep thrust as a punishment but his cries softened and let out an incoherent sound as he felt the thrusts got shallower.
“I cannot, while you are like this.”
“No!” he pleaded, grabbing his lover. “I’m sorry!” he was weeping again. “I don’t know how to..it’s..i like what you do..i’m..i can’t..”
The warmth of his arms, the all-too-familiar feel of his lover’s body soothed his cries.
------------------
Morning.
Hans wondered why no matter how hard he tried, he was not in the mood, instead he was moving away from his lover. He apologised, telling him that he really wanted to but did not know why he was feeling so down.
His teacher’s cellphone rang.
Suddenly Hans was gripped by a chill. He thought he heard a voice..."Sensei..” he murmured, looking in concerned at his lover who had went paler than usual.
This time Hans stifled a different type of scream – a scream of horror.
It seemed that he had it all planned out. Without a word, he was swiftly dragged into his car and he found himself in some resort.
There were no words exchanged. Before he could dominate the situation his lips were forced opened by his lover’s tongue and his shirt buttons, pants button and zip could pop out of their seams by the frantic jerks of his lover’s hands on his clothes. His struggles were futile but he was weeping to his lover to –
“Stop,” he pleaded, pushing his lover away, tripping over some clothes and landed hard on the bed. He hid his face away from him, his body wracked sobs with painful regret, still pushing away the arms of his lover who was trying to hold him. Finally with one more effort, the arms wrapped around him in frenzied triumph, facing him outwards and lifted him to a sitting position.
“Suman..” his lover whispered. Andy had learnt a bit of the same language before and said the same word – but now all he ever wanted was to hear his voice. Still weeping, he moaned in protest, as he felt his lover’s hand stroking his member and he fought back his response.
“I wanted to ask you after you met my ex-wife and the children…but you were so quiet. I cannot tolerate outbursts in the car too, so…I’m really sorry.”
He moaned at every syllable of his voice whispering in his ear, teasing him with little gnaws on the outer lobe of his ear, feeling the warmth of his tongue into his ear.
He understood. Andy was in the campus but he was too angry to notice his silver-haired friend who immediately walked into the teachers’ room when only he was around. Andy loved anything he would buy but all Andy ever did was to pull his tie to choke him as a threat after worming the truth out of him – and Andy was struggling to hold himself in check after successfully grabbing a guy by the tie almost too close to the lips. He came in just in time.
“But it was my – aah!” He gasped in shocked as he felt him so deep and painful..but it had only been one week..was he losing it? “B-but i-t – wa-s m-a-i f-ar –“
“Fart? Yes, it is so. Because you do not eat proper,” came the teasing tone, almost sadistic, ignoring all cries of pain. “We’re alone,” he grabbed his young lover and whispered into his ear. “Scream.”
At first he was screaming in hatred at himself for being extremely unreasonable, crying his apologies at the same time, taking every deep thrust as a punishment but his cries softened and let out an incoherent sound as he felt the thrusts got shallower.
“I cannot, while you are like this.”
“No!” he pleaded, grabbing his lover. “I’m sorry!” he was weeping again. “I don’t know how to..it’s..i like what you do..i’m..i can’t..”
The warmth of his arms, the all-too-familiar feel of his lover’s body soothed his cries.
------------------
Morning.
Hans wondered why no matter how hard he tried, he was not in the mood, instead he was moving away from his lover. He apologised, telling him that he really wanted to but did not know why he was feeling so down.
His teacher’s cellphone rang.
Suddenly Hans was gripped by a chill. He thought he heard a voice..."Sensei..” he murmured, looking in concerned at his lover who had went paler than usual.
This time Hans stifled a different type of scream – a scream of horror.
Subject: 7
"Two years, my friend."
The soft voice murmured as a pale figure stood wet from the light drizzle.
He had expected it. He knew that even if he tried there was nothing he could do about it. He knew the moment he turned it was the end. However he was not thinking much about it -searching for the warm embrace he had lost for so many days had taken was priority.
-----------------
Andy, after his release, had nowhere to go to, declining his offer for a dorm in the university. Hans had fulfilled all his wishes for a normal life.
It was time to give it back.
The soft voice murmured as a pale figure stood wet from the light drizzle.
He had expected it. He knew that even if he tried there was nothing he could do about it. He knew the moment he turned it was the end. However he was not thinking much about it -searching for the warm embrace he had lost for so many days had taken was priority.
-----------------
Andy, after his release, had nowhere to go to, declining his offer for a dorm in the university. Hans had fulfilled all his wishes for a normal life.
It was time to give it back.
Subject: Interlude 2
The only world which revolved around him was Hans'.
At first he did not understand why this blonde-haired boy who looked almost like him would spurn him away and call him names. Perhaps he had what this blonde-haired boy could not have. He tried to find out more about his blonde-hair friend.
For a long time every attempt seemed futile - everyone in school ignored or ran away from him as if he was some kind of monster and they called him names that sounded like "pip boy". Then it happened.
He thought there was an angel in the school hall. He decided to check it out.
There was his blonde-haired friend singing all by himself!
"H-hi."
----------------
And so Thyme was born. A name which his blonde-haired fri - no, Hans came up with.
"Watch your stick, brother."
The blonde-haired boy stared at him in disbelief. "Do you know what you’re talking about?!"
The sliver-haired boy's eyes widened in excitement. "You know what I'm talking about?!"
Besides the "family business" Andy's brothers had bought the best instruments a band could ever have with the money they earned. While they were not around banging instruments Andy and Hans would sneak into the studio and jammed the songs they heard on the radio (being brought up in a strict family environment Hans could only secretly take out the radio from under his bed during bedtime).
Years go by and Hans, brought up by his single mother, grew up faster than any normal kid. The only best companionship he had was with Andy and Thyme. Occasionally they would sneak some peeks into the "business" Andy's family members were handling. Like Hans, Andy "lost" his father, as he was told, and this "business" was the fastest way to make "big money", so he was told. One "sneak trip" led to another, until Hans had to stifle his vomit as Andy looked on with a frozen expression on his face.
"Is this what they always do?" Hans would ask. Andy did not answer.
It was that one day when Andy unconsciously slided his hand along Hans who cursed and swore in shock. There was something in Andy's gaze that Hans would find himself frozen in time, staring back at the eyes of his best friend, as if they were telling him a stories that words could not say..
"My brothers told me it’s love."
"What the --- is wrong with your head!"
Andy never said or did anything but their "sneak trips" had stopped.
-----------------
Because one day Hans had found something interesting. Hans' mother was not around so Hans got his best pal over.
"I've cracked the 'parent mode'! It's exactly what you told me!" By then Hans had discovered a language called Japanese and was surfing a whole theme of "Andy's family business".
Hans fell silent. "Sorry, mate. I.."
"Na, I know you. You need evidences, not first-hand accounts."
And Andy would describe in full detail to Hans as they watched every single video.
"Andy?"
"Spill it."
"I-I can't. Not in front of you."
"Fine."
"A-Andy! What the ----! Dirty mouth, stop - aah.."
----------------------------
Everyday Hans would sneak out of the house to try to visit his friend when he was at in the asylum.
Andy isn't delirious, he's confused, that's all, he defended. He would write letters to his friend, hoping all his letters will be read. Everyday Hans would think of him, wonder how he was. Hans missed the time he had with Andy. It was very - thrilling.
He really missed Andy. Not only for those times but there was something only they can share. He decided to make Andy his.
----------------------
"--- off you freak!"
"But you said you loved me!"
"I didn’t mean it that way! Look…I'm sorry..I..didn't mean..aw man, stop crying.."
"You lied?!"
"No..I..fine! When I said I love you I mean it."
"Really?!"
"Y-yeah."
At first he did not understand why this blonde-haired boy who looked almost like him would spurn him away and call him names. Perhaps he had what this blonde-haired boy could not have. He tried to find out more about his blonde-hair friend.
For a long time every attempt seemed futile - everyone in school ignored or ran away from him as if he was some kind of monster and they called him names that sounded like "pip boy". Then it happened.
He thought there was an angel in the school hall. He decided to check it out.
There was his blonde-haired friend singing all by himself!
"H-hi."
----------------
And so Thyme was born. A name which his blonde-haired fri - no, Hans came up with.
"Watch your stick, brother."
The blonde-haired boy stared at him in disbelief. "Do you know what you’re talking about?!"
The sliver-haired boy's eyes widened in excitement. "You know what I'm talking about?!"
Besides the "family business" Andy's brothers had bought the best instruments a band could ever have with the money they earned. While they were not around banging instruments Andy and Hans would sneak into the studio and jammed the songs they heard on the radio (being brought up in a strict family environment Hans could only secretly take out the radio from under his bed during bedtime).
Years go by and Hans, brought up by his single mother, grew up faster than any normal kid. The only best companionship he had was with Andy and Thyme. Occasionally they would sneak some peeks into the "business" Andy's family members were handling. Like Hans, Andy "lost" his father, as he was told, and this "business" was the fastest way to make "big money", so he was told. One "sneak trip" led to another, until Hans had to stifle his vomit as Andy looked on with a frozen expression on his face.
"Is this what they always do?" Hans would ask. Andy did not answer.
It was that one day when Andy unconsciously slided his hand along Hans who cursed and swore in shock. There was something in Andy's gaze that Hans would find himself frozen in time, staring back at the eyes of his best friend, as if they were telling him a stories that words could not say..
"My brothers told me it’s love."
"What the --- is wrong with your head!"
Andy never said or did anything but their "sneak trips" had stopped.
-----------------
Because one day Hans had found something interesting. Hans' mother was not around so Hans got his best pal over.
"I've cracked the 'parent mode'! It's exactly what you told me!" By then Hans had discovered a language called Japanese and was surfing a whole theme of "Andy's family business".
Hans fell silent. "Sorry, mate. I.."
"Na, I know you. You need evidences, not first-hand accounts."
And Andy would describe in full detail to Hans as they watched every single video.
"Andy?"
"Spill it."
"I-I can't. Not in front of you."
"Fine."
"A-Andy! What the ----! Dirty mouth, stop - aah.."
----------------------------
Everyday Hans would sneak out of the house to try to visit his friend when he was at in the asylum.
Andy isn't delirious, he's confused, that's all, he defended. He would write letters to his friend, hoping all his letters will be read. Everyday Hans would think of him, wonder how he was. Hans missed the time he had with Andy. It was very - thrilling.
He really missed Andy. Not only for those times but there was something only they can share. He decided to make Andy his.
----------------------
"--- off you freak!"
"But you said you loved me!"
"I didn’t mean it that way! Look…I'm sorry..I..didn't mean..aw man, stop crying.."
"You lied?!"
"No..I..fine! When I said I love you I mean it."
"Really?!"
"Y-yeah."
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Subject: Final
"We didn’t know much then…or do we, Andy. Somehow I hate my mum for breaking us up. Perhaps it was good? Perhaps it's meant to be.."
His lover opened the umbrella. "Rain's getting heavier. We must go back."
"Ja." He muttered as they left the memories of their friend, only be remembered engraved in stone, as the rest of the departed. "Sensei.."
"Nandai?"
"Will I kill myself?"
His lover opened the umbrella. "Rain's getting heavier. We must go back."
"Ja." He muttered as they left the memories of their friend, only be remembered engraved in stone, as the rest of the departed. "Sensei.."
"Nandai?"
"Will I kill myself?"
Thursday, January 28, 2010
tribute
Morning.
Johann stirred, half-awake as he felt the rays of the sun warming his pale cheeks. He turned his back away from the light - that did not work as his back was exposed to the sunlight. Sighing, he gave up, slowly rising from the side of the bed. With half-closed eyes he groped around and jerked up his tights, grabbed his tunic and clumsily pulled it over his head. He ruffled his silky long blonde hair with such ease - that would make any maiden glare in jealousy - and trudged to the window, made a quick glance at his lute to see if it was still there, squinting, as his eyes tried to get use to the morning daylight.
The birds were singing their melodic tunes as they happily basked themselves in the peaceful greeting of the morning sun. Johann's vision cleared and he found himself gazing at the bright green leaves of the tree that stood by the window. He breathed in - and sneezed at the sudden rush of the cold morning breeze.
"Oh," he realised he had frightened the little birds as they fluttered away into the soft blue sky.
Johann's thoughts drifted as he stood transfixed at the beauty of nature before him.
"A year it has been, has it not.."
Johann stirred, half-awake as he felt the rays of the sun warming his pale cheeks. He turned his back away from the light - that did not work as his back was exposed to the sunlight. Sighing, he gave up, slowly rising from the side of the bed. With half-closed eyes he groped around and jerked up his tights, grabbed his tunic and clumsily pulled it over his head. He ruffled his silky long blonde hair with such ease - that would make any maiden glare in jealousy - and trudged to the window, made a quick glance at his lute to see if it was still there, squinting, as his eyes tried to get use to the morning daylight.
The birds were singing their melodic tunes as they happily basked themselves in the peaceful greeting of the morning sun. Johann's vision cleared and he found himself gazing at the bright green leaves of the tree that stood by the window. He breathed in - and sneezed at the sudden rush of the cold morning breeze.
"Oh," he realised he had frightened the little birds as they fluttered away into the soft blue sky.
Johann's thoughts drifted as he stood transfixed at the beauty of nature before him.
"A year it has been, has it not.."
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