"Hans-"
"F*K OFF!"
"Hans-san.."
Only that voice could stop him. From progressing. From fleeing. From escaping.
Afternoon's summer sun shone into the room but he was crying.
Betrayed, again.
Raped, again.
He could not take it anymore. He was about to get up -
but his head too was heavy - like a huge iron - he slumped back down into the bed. HIS BED!!!! "I want to go home...Ian.." He closed his eyes and turned to his side in pain.
"Do not mention his name ever again."
The voice was firm - and deadly.
The voice reached into his head. He recognised it.
"Sensei.."
He felt a shadow looming over him, "Hai.." he heard the voice..him..
"I hate you.." he snuggled up to the warm embrace, "..i think.."
A gentle chuckle danced in the air. "Really, you think?" He felt warm lips pressing onto his forehead. "Sleep, all will be fine.."
"Sensei.." Hypontised by his new lover's voice he could only reach out feebly before he drifted to sleep.
I'm here
always with you.
Monday, August 16, 2010
9
It was too late. All too late. He felt his bermudas were suddenly - yet gently - pulled down. He felt his member swelled in response to - A HAND!?!! - stroking it.
"Aah.." came the voice, "as expected.."
"ARE YOU DR-" he could not scream. In his dunkard state he could only moan in submission at the - clumsiness of a - TONGUE?!! "First..time..?" his tongue was numb, he was about to drift to sleep.
"Y-yesss.." came the drunk reply. "I..he..wanted to hurt you..I resolve to protect you..I thought..I have a purpose to live..after my divorce.."
Every single syallable was emphasised with a warm wet - and sometimes very cold - sensation. "I want..to..protect..you..so..I..must...have..you.."
He could not do anything. The tongue and lips were clumsy at first - he gasped. "I-I cumed.." CUMED?!!!! WHOSE MOUTH IS THAT?!!
He heard a whisper..a polite whisper...
"May I..cum..in..you?"
***
One moment led to another. And there was improvement in every new moment. He did not know who it was. Or perhaps he knew. There was a huge weight above him - a very huge and heavy weight. Yet he felt protected by this weight and nothing could tear him and the weight apart. Curse that mixed-up heritage of a human! No manners to wait for a response!
He hated it. Every single moment of it. He had no say. He could only react. Yet his body jerked in welcome with every stroke, every lick, every search of himself, from his skin..to within..he loved how he was stroked, touched, carassed, forced..yet he hated it, "Get off..Ian.." he was about to dream in slumber..
"Ian..I am not.."
"Who..are you..no..you're not.."
His teacher whispered into his ear
I am..
"Aah.." came the voice, "as expected.."
"ARE YOU DR-" he could not scream. In his dunkard state he could only moan in submission at the - clumsiness of a - TONGUE?!! "First..time..?" his tongue was numb, he was about to drift to sleep.
"Y-yesss.." came the drunk reply. "I..he..wanted to hurt you..I resolve to protect you..I thought..I have a purpose to live..after my divorce.."
Every single syallable was emphasised with a warm wet - and sometimes very cold - sensation. "I want..to..protect..you..so..I..must...have..you.."
He could not do anything. The tongue and lips were clumsy at first - he gasped. "I-I cumed.." CUMED?!!!! WHOSE MOUTH IS THAT?!!
He heard a whisper..a polite whisper...
"May I..cum..in..you?"
***
One moment led to another. And there was improvement in every new moment. He did not know who it was. Or perhaps he knew. There was a huge weight above him - a very huge and heavy weight. Yet he felt protected by this weight and nothing could tear him and the weight apart. Curse that mixed-up heritage of a human! No manners to wait for a response!
He hated it. Every single moment of it. He had no say. He could only react. Yet his body jerked in welcome with every stroke, every lick, every search of himself, from his skin..to within..he loved how he was stroked, touched, carassed, forced..yet he hated it, "Get off..Ian.." he was about to dream in slumber..
"Ian..I am not.."
"Who..are you..no..you're not.."
His teacher whispered into his ear
I am..
8
He really was about to throw himself off the balcony (he found it) if his teacher had not grabbed him, "We did not do anything."
"Like I wanna know!" he was screaming and kicking in the tight grasp, pleading to be free.
"You will not," came the firm voice. "You drank too much."
He felt as if he was a beanbag being thrown on something soft. He could not understand much. He could only figure his ex-lover was released for a while but was arrested back to the asylum. And it was only 2 weeks ago his ex-lover had been released for good.
He was been watched.
By Ian
All the while.
He's my bitch..the words quoted by his teacher from his ex-lover as a warning reeled in his head.
I am his..bitch.."I'm nobody's bitch!" He was about to yell that when he felt his stomach would shoot out from his mouth. Overcame with disgust and despair he could only expressed through all the sake he had drank - and now, erupted. He could not bear the pain any longer, he was crying in confusion, calling out only his Sensei's first name.
He threatened to hurt you..he remembered what his teacher had said.
"And you.."
An hour had passed since his stomach had thrown everything out. He sat up, weakly, probbed against the pillows. He did not care if he was lying with his legs open or not - he suddenly felt hard. He gasped when he felt a weight on the cloth that separated himself - and the weight.
The weight started to move..up..and down..where he had went hard.
"This is...how they do it..in the manga..?"
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!!!!" he screamed.
"Like I wanna know!" he was screaming and kicking in the tight grasp, pleading to be free.
"You will not," came the firm voice. "You drank too much."
He felt as if he was a beanbag being thrown on something soft. He could not understand much. He could only figure his ex-lover was released for a while but was arrested back to the asylum. And it was only 2 weeks ago his ex-lover had been released for good.
He was been watched.
By Ian
All the while.
He's my bitch..the words quoted by his teacher from his ex-lover as a warning reeled in his head.
I am his..bitch.."I'm nobody's bitch!" He was about to yell that when he felt his stomach would shoot out from his mouth. Overcame with disgust and despair he could only expressed through all the sake he had drank - and now, erupted. He could not bear the pain any longer, he was crying in confusion, calling out only his Sensei's first name.
He threatened to hurt you..he remembered what his teacher had said.
"And you.."
An hour had passed since his stomach had thrown everything out. He sat up, weakly, probbed against the pillows. He did not care if he was lying with his legs open or not - he suddenly felt hard. He gasped when he felt a weight on the cloth that separated himself - and the weight.
The weight started to move..up..and down..where he had went hard.
"This is...how they do it..in the manga..?"
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!!!!" he screamed.
7
Hans had never been angry before. Never.
He had decided to protect his teacher for all his life.
"W-wait.." he realised he had missed out something very important. "You divorced..for me?"
He had never seen his teacher more downcast than before. What he was about to hear got him almost sleepless.
"Years ago in middle high a student approached me."
"Male? Female?" AND WHY WAS HE ASKING?!!!
"Male."
AND HE WAS NOT THE FIRST ONE?!!!!
"So-so..w-what happened.." he felt that the room was spinning faster than before.
"At first I thought he was being friendly. He stayed behind and chatted with me. It was not long when he told how he felt about me. As I was married, I refused."
"Who was he?" AND WHY WAS HE ASKING AGAIN?!!!
The only instinct was to run to the nearest balcony - if the apartment had one - and throw himself off from there.
"Your friend, Ian Anderson."
He had decided to protect his teacher for all his life.
"W-wait.." he realised he had missed out something very important. "You divorced..for me?"
He had never seen his teacher more downcast than before. What he was about to hear got him almost sleepless.
"Years ago in middle high a student approached me."
"Male? Female?" AND WHY WAS HE ASKING?!!!
"Male."
AND HE WAS NOT THE FIRST ONE?!!!!
"So-so..w-what happened.." he felt that the room was spinning faster than before.
"At first I thought he was being friendly. He stayed behind and chatted with me. It was not long when he told how he felt about me. As I was married, I refused."
"Who was he?" AND WHY WAS HE ASKING AGAIN?!!!
The only instinct was to run to the nearest balcony - if the apartment had one - and throw himself off from there.
"Your friend, Ian Anderson."
6
"Get lost."
His only answer.
He shut the door.
And began to weep.
His cellphone rang. He knew who it was.
"Sake..one last time..?"
***
No words were spoken in his teacher's car as he was brought to the apartment. However that night he drank.
He drank as much as he could, refusing to hear anything his teacher would say.
Before he could reach for another round, a hand grabbed him.
"Please listen."
***
The cup in his hand would drop if he had not tried all his might to put it down.
"You..what.."
And he was listening. Listening to every single word that was said. That was told. He could not believe. His head was reeling with shock.
..Ex-lover
..released
..sought him out
..scuffled his teacher
..warning
..resolved
..divorced.
His only answer.
He shut the door.
And began to weep.
His cellphone rang. He knew who it was.
"Sake..one last time..?"
***
No words were spoken in his teacher's car as he was brought to the apartment. However that night he drank.
He drank as much as he could, refusing to hear anything his teacher would say.
Before he could reach for another round, a hand grabbed him.
"Please listen."
***
The cup in his hand would drop if he had not tried all his might to put it down.
"You..what.."
And he was listening. Listening to every single word that was said. That was told. He could not believe. His head was reeling with shock.
..Ex-lover
..released
..sought him out
..scuffled his teacher
..warning
..resolved
..divorced.
5
His teacher had changed. Ever since he had opened to his teacher. Ater a long time, he had someone to spend the summer with. He would flush whenever his teacher talked openly about sexual positions drawn in the comics and retort when his teacher teased him if he had ever touched himself.
For a week his teacher had not drank sake. A week later his teacher left for some "personal matters". A few days later his cellphone rang. He knew who it was - the only one who would call him in the summer.
"Yes, it's Hans," he greeted over the phone in Japanese - a practice he learnt in honour of his teacher which had become a habit. It had not been easy to hide his feelings for his teacher. He had not told his teacher about it - but his eyes had given the game away since the first time he saw him - and it was getting more obvious.
He feared the most when he heard no reply from the other party, "Sensei?" he prompted.
A knock on his dormitory door. He did not know why he was running for the door.
His teacher stood sliently at the door as he opened it. He froze.
Sensei was leaving.
For a week his teacher had not drank sake. A week later his teacher left for some "personal matters". A few days later his cellphone rang. He knew who it was - the only one who would call him in the summer.
"Yes, it's Hans," he greeted over the phone in Japanese - a practice he learnt in honour of his teacher which had become a habit. It had not been easy to hide his feelings for his teacher. He had not told his teacher about it - but his eyes had given the game away since the first time he saw him - and it was getting more obvious.
He feared the most when he heard no reply from the other party, "Sensei?" he prompted.
A knock on his dormitory door. He did not know why he was running for the door.
His teacher stood sliently at the door as he opened it. He froze.
Sensei was leaving.
4
He was felt awkward telling his teacher about it. In fact, the more he talked about it, the more he was excited about it.
He did not know how long he had wept. All he knew he was - CARRIED - to his own dormitory. It took him some time to wonder how his teacher knew his dormitory number.
"I wanted to ask you for sake but your handphone was not on. So I asked for your dormitory number."
"Sorry.." was all that he could manage.
He saw his teacher's curious gaze at his comic book. He had to choice but to tell.
That had happened a few hours ago.
"SENSEI PLEASE DON'T!!!" His teacher was going to touch the comic!!!!
He almost laughed at his teacher's child-like curious gaze. "May I read it?"
"N-no!!! No, not that you can't but - you really wanna read it? It's not for guys..."
"But you read it." His teacher had a glint of amusement his eyes.
He stopped. He did not know how to answer. "A-ah Sensei!!! No, don't open the comic -"
"Hmm..." came the curious voice.
"SENSEI!!!!!!!"
He did not know how long he had wept. All he knew he was - CARRIED - to his own dormitory. It took him some time to wonder how his teacher knew his dormitory number.
"I wanted to ask you for sake but your handphone was not on. So I asked for your dormitory number."
"Sorry.." was all that he could manage.
He saw his teacher's curious gaze at his comic book. He had to choice but to tell.
That had happened a few hours ago.
"SENSEI PLEASE DON'T!!!" His teacher was going to touch the comic!!!!
He almost laughed at his teacher's child-like curious gaze. "May I read it?"
"N-no!!! No, not that you can't but - you really wanna read it? It's not for guys..."
"But you read it." His teacher had a glint of amusement his eyes.
He stopped. He did not know how to answer. "A-ah Sensei!!! No, don't open the comic -"
"Hmm..." came the curious voice.
"SENSEI!!!!!!!"
3
That fateful night he retrived his cellphone and was about to rush back to his dormitory when he heard a terrible sound from the restroom. To his shock he found a male in the - FEMALE - restroom!
He was about to pounce on the stranger, wondering where was the girl this man had raped when he saw a familiar pair of eyes of that stranger staring back at him.
"SENSEI!!!!!"
******
From then on, he became his teacher's listening ear over nightly - and lethal - bottles of sake. However he would not drink much as he would be the one who bring his drunk teacher back. His teacher had entrusted him with the keys to the apartment - he had expected that.
What he would not expect was that his teacher was not really entirely of Japanese heritage. Born of French, Italian, Spanish and Japanese hertitage his teacher had taught in schools in Japan before. A marriage of convenience to a Japanese woman of strictly Japanese heritage who bore him a son was nearing to a divorce.
He could not comfort his teacher - he was not taught how to. All he could do was silently sit by him as he watched his teacher snored in slumber-bliss - and leave when he had cleared all the mess.
****
Summer.
The season he hated most. He would always be left alone. To distract himself from his desires once more he decided to enrol for any summer class.
"Hans-san?"
He did not realise his vision had blurred and his cheeks had been wet with tears as he walked down the stairsways to the main walkway. He thought no one was around. A thud distracted both teacher and student as they both shifted their focus to the floor.
NOOOOOOO!!!!!! HOW DID I BRING IT WITH ME!!!
He could not see his teacher bending over to pick up his comic which he realised he had brought it with him without thinking as he hurried to the main walkway. He did not know about his teacher's moment of silence.
His knees had given way and he stumbled. He was tired. So very tired that he wept, like a child, in his teacher's arms.
He was about to pounce on the stranger, wondering where was the girl this man had raped when he saw a familiar pair of eyes of that stranger staring back at him.
"SENSEI!!!!!"
******
From then on, he became his teacher's listening ear over nightly - and lethal - bottles of sake. However he would not drink much as he would be the one who bring his drunk teacher back. His teacher had entrusted him with the keys to the apartment - he had expected that.
What he would not expect was that his teacher was not really entirely of Japanese heritage. Born of French, Italian, Spanish and Japanese hertitage his teacher had taught in schools in Japan before. A marriage of convenience to a Japanese woman of strictly Japanese heritage who bore him a son was nearing to a divorce.
He could not comfort his teacher - he was not taught how to. All he could do was silently sit by him as he watched his teacher snored in slumber-bliss - and leave when he had cleared all the mess.
****
Summer.
The season he hated most. He would always be left alone. To distract himself from his desires once more he decided to enrol for any summer class.
"Hans-san?"
He did not realise his vision had blurred and his cheeks had been wet with tears as he walked down the stairsways to the main walkway. He thought no one was around. A thud distracted both teacher and student as they both shifted their focus to the floor.
NOOOOOOO!!!!!! HOW DID I BRING IT WITH ME!!!
He could not see his teacher bending over to pick up his comic which he realised he had brought it with him without thinking as he hurried to the main walkway. He did not know about his teacher's moment of silence.
His knees had given way and he stumbled. He was tired. So very tired that he wept, like a child, in his teacher's arms.
2
No one knew.
He had first saw in on the internet with his best friend. He wanted more. He did not know what he was in for. He did not know that what happened that day was what people would call "rape". He did not know. All he knew was he felt scared, as if a thousand pairs of eyes were looking watching him wherever he went as he tried very hard to mask the pain. He told his teacher that he had been suffering from piles, much to his-best-pal-classmate's amusement. All the girls in his class would do everything and anything for him - what else would you expect for a Prince Charming.
"Bastard," he glare at his best pal who sat a few desks behind him.
Years have passed, and it had been traumatic for him. He would shut himself in his room, not attend lessons, showing up only for tests and examinations and passed all of them with top marks. One day in school he overheard a conversation of giggling girls - it was dang easy to follow them as there was nobody around - the girls needed a smoke break.
It was then he learnt about a particular comic genre that may calm his desires.
At first, he threw a comic book across his room, cupping his mouth to curb his wracked sobs as memories of him and his first lover came unmercilessly running into his mind. However he resolved to conquer the feelings as he felt..unsatisfied. With every ending of a comic he wanted more.
He would not tell anyone that he read Boys' Love genre - anyone would laugh at him, girls and guys alike. Besides, he would guess that 99.9999 - until the infinite 0.9 of it all - % are females. And he feared he would be called a wuss even if gays (oh they hid it well but it takes one to tell) would know about his comic genre preference.
University was even harder. He could not remember how much he wanted more. His eyes gave the game away for a few seconds when his Japanese lecturer first stepped into his life.
As usual he was the best student of them all, much to his teacher's appreciation. However, he would catch glimpses of his teacher's sorrowful eyes...and time would stop there..
"Hans-san?"
His heart skipped a beat at the hint of concern of his teacher's voice - there might be something more to it. Ignoring squeals from the females, his eyes darkened and his expression turned deadpan. Yet he hoped his teacher had read his gaze.
He did not ask any question as he knew the answer to every question.
However one day he did. Much to his and his teacher's surprise. "Oh, Hans-san, you have a question?"
"Yes, Sensei." It was only to him that he would speak to and in a quiet serious voice only his ex-lover would hear. I'm hard..He snapped back to reality as he realised his ex-lover's voice had seeped into his unguarded thoughts. He bit his lip but he was about to break down. He longed for anyone to hold him - anyone..
"Sensei...what does it take...to love someone.." WHAT WAS HE ASKING?! Wasn't he supposed to ask this literature term in Japanese?!
His senses screamed - WRONG QUESTION!!! - as he saw his teacher's sudden change of expression -
but it was an expression of sorrow, despair and regret.
He had first saw in on the internet with his best friend. He wanted more. He did not know what he was in for. He did not know that what happened that day was what people would call "rape". He did not know. All he knew was he felt scared, as if a thousand pairs of eyes were looking watching him wherever he went as he tried very hard to mask the pain. He told his teacher that he had been suffering from piles, much to his-best-pal-classmate's amusement. All the girls in his class would do everything and anything for him - what else would you expect for a Prince Charming.
"Bastard," he glare at his best pal who sat a few desks behind him.
Years have passed, and it had been traumatic for him. He would shut himself in his room, not attend lessons, showing up only for tests and examinations and passed all of them with top marks. One day in school he overheard a conversation of giggling girls - it was dang easy to follow them as there was nobody around - the girls needed a smoke break.
It was then he learnt about a particular comic genre that may calm his desires.
At first, he threw a comic book across his room, cupping his mouth to curb his wracked sobs as memories of him and his first lover came unmercilessly running into his mind. However he resolved to conquer the feelings as he felt..unsatisfied. With every ending of a comic he wanted more.
He would not tell anyone that he read Boys' Love genre - anyone would laugh at him, girls and guys alike. Besides, he would guess that 99.9999 - until the infinite 0.9 of it all - % are females. And he feared he would be called a wuss even if gays (oh they hid it well but it takes one to tell) would know about his comic genre preference.
University was even harder. He could not remember how much he wanted more. His eyes gave the game away for a few seconds when his Japanese lecturer first stepped into his life.
As usual he was the best student of them all, much to his teacher's appreciation. However, he would catch glimpses of his teacher's sorrowful eyes...and time would stop there..
"Hans-san?"
His heart skipped a beat at the hint of concern of his teacher's voice - there might be something more to it. Ignoring squeals from the females, his eyes darkened and his expression turned deadpan. Yet he hoped his teacher had read his gaze.
He did not ask any question as he knew the answer to every question.
However one day he did. Much to his and his teacher's surprise. "Oh, Hans-san, you have a question?"
"Yes, Sensei." It was only to him that he would speak to and in a quiet serious voice only his ex-lover would hear. I'm hard..He snapped back to reality as he realised his ex-lover's voice had seeped into his unguarded thoughts. He bit his lip but he was about to break down. He longed for anyone to hold him - anyone..
"Sensei...what does it take...to love someone.." WHAT WAS HE ASKING?! Wasn't he supposed to ask this literature term in Japanese?!
His senses screamed - WRONG QUESTION!!! - as he saw his teacher's sudden change of expression -
but it was an expression of sorrow, despair and regret.
1
This is not what he had intended.
Being pinned against the wall against his own wish, his mouth forcibly opened by another - A MALE!!!
HOW CAN THIS BE?! His senses screamed and all the more he tried to wriggle from the strong grasp.
"Don't overdo it," came the voice.
Left my handphone in school, came back to get it, went to check on the stranger who was vomitting in the restroom and then this -!
He gasped when he suddenly felt a warm wet sensation in his member - he was mouthed! He moaned as he felt the roughness of a tongue and lips savouring his foreskin, slowly engulfing the whole of his swelling self. He felt his body would burst into flames with the unbearable heat in his body. His every verbal syllable was abruptly interrupted with every frenzy attack of his captor's eager tongue and lips.
..want..it..
He yelped in shock as his hips were roughly lifted up and his body arched in response to a sudden intrusion. His vision blurred and he could hear his blood throbbing in excitement as he craved for more.
Aah..the pain..is..exhilarating..
A cry filled the room as he burst into fatigue estacsy, his captor slumped hard on him as their breaths merged into a single rythmnic breathing..
..i love you..
Being pinned against the wall against his own wish, his mouth forcibly opened by another - A MALE!!!
HOW CAN THIS BE?! His senses screamed and all the more he tried to wriggle from the strong grasp.
"Don't overdo it," came the voice.
Left my handphone in school, came back to get it, went to check on the stranger who was vomitting in the restroom and then this -!
He gasped when he suddenly felt a warm wet sensation in his member - he was mouthed! He moaned as he felt the roughness of a tongue and lips savouring his foreskin, slowly engulfing the whole of his swelling self. He felt his body would burst into flames with the unbearable heat in his body. His every verbal syllable was abruptly interrupted with every frenzy attack of his captor's eager tongue and lips.
..want..it..
He yelped in shock as his hips were roughly lifted up and his body arched in response to a sudden intrusion. His vision blurred and he could hear his blood throbbing in excitement as he craved for more.
Aah..the pain..is..exhilarating..
A cry filled the room as he burst into fatigue estacsy, his captor slumped hard on him as their breaths merged into a single rythmnic breathing..
..i love you..
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